What I Learned In Church 11-11-12

Father Joe spoke about faith. By all means, the stories/concepts covered in 1 Kings 17, Hebrews 9, and Mark 12 were surely some tests of faith. You know I like to build on success. 


These are some thoughts I had:
What if the widow was greedy and Elijah actually enlightened her to eat smaller portions? Often times a perspective shift can seem like a miracle. The health movement is growing all over the country. For someone who  believed they HAD to eat a certain way (Carbs, processed food,..) to be shown that something else was actually possible can seem like a miracle. What is that is what happened to the widow who thought her food wouldn't last the week? That doesn't diminish God, we all know how hard it is to get people to change! That just makes the story less fantastic. 

Paul wrote about how Jesus sacrificed his life (ego) to erase sin. We must do the same. 'Christians' get too passive. Everyone loves the interpretation where Jesus died for our sins, we don't have to make sacrifices (killing pigeons, turtle doves and calves) and all our future sins are forgiven as long as we TRY not to sin... But there's more! Paul often writes about this battle with the flesh and the spirit, the things we want to do and the things we need to do. Those fleshly things may very well be what we call Ego. So the work we must do to actually be Christian is to sacrifice our 'life's. Give up the things of ego that make up the image of our lives. Most 'Christians' are still trying to be cool and keep their ego. God does NOT negotiate with terrorists! And the ego is a terrorist. Don't get caught in the middle. Choose a side and stay on it. THAT is Christianity - choosing the ego-less side of Jesus and Staying there!
"It was necessary, then, for the copies of the heavenly things to be purified with these sacrifices, but the heavenly things themselves with better sacrifices than these." We are heavenly things! This is in reference to the animal sacrifices of the past. We used to give up a little bit of another creature's flesh to repent. Now, to repent, we must give up ourselves. We can be siblings of Christ. IF, we choose to CONTINUE to achieve spiritual success. 

The story of the widow's two cents is well known. But knowing is not enough and, oddly enough, that is the true point of the story. It's miraculous and note worthy to choose God after your life has been devoted to sin. When a gang-banger walks down the aisle and stops banging, when the hooker leaves the street corner, THAT is on the level of the widow. Because those past lives were ALL they had and they gave it up for God. Make SURE that's ALL you have! A lot of us come before God with more to give and, AGAIN, try to negotiate. God want's it ALL. And it's not about money, your ego will tell you its about money. But you have time, you have talent, you have energy to give. You have bad habits, bad relationships, poor outlooks, bad feelings ... to give up. Give it ALL. God is not going to accept "I'm just an asshole. I'll be an asshole for God." NOPE!!! Give it up!Walking down the aisle at church or working you way up to leading a bible study is something great, congratulations, but you know there is more, keep going! Quit trying to go back. Stop trying to make your way, God's way. God's way has already won victory over ALL other ways! Be prepared to see things a different way, then do it. And then, DO IT AGAIN!!! Growth means your life will continue to change without end. Keep learning, keep living, keep growing, KEEP SUCCEEDING...

What I Learned Outside of Church

What I Learned Outside of Church 9/23/12

I wonder if it’s a thing when ALL of the readings tie together as easily as they do this week. These readings are not picked by a pastor so he could match them to his individual message. They are sometimes seemingly random and difficult for even the most learned bible scholars to connect. Essentially, they provide priests with options for the Sunday sermon. Today, one message was clear. Maybe it’s because of where my life is now.

            This week, we start in the book of Wisdom. The first line of the chapter is the key. “For, not thinking rightly…“ We start out with a little hope and, when it doesn’t work out the way our impatient ego demands, that little bit of hope dies. Hopeless, we choose a life of vanity and ego. We become self serving instead of servants. After we have become self righteous people, we hate to see righteous people. They are reminders that we have given up hope while people still exist who have not given up yet and, likely, never will. It’s a form of envy. This hate says, “How dare you find hope where I could not find any!” It’s all ego. The Bible calls ego self/selfishness/flesh.

            The verse in James covers two chapters. So… You know what that means. Chapter three starts out with the power of the tongue. It points out one of my favorite Ras Kass lines. “I gave man dominion over the Earth, to master the wealth. But most of my children don’t have dominion over thyself.” Just like in Mark 7, it reminds and encourages us to be careful of what comes out of our mouths. “…but no human being can tame the tongue.” is not saying it’s not possible. It’s just saying that it seems that impossible. Of course it is possible. It’s just with so many people not practicing self(ego) control, it can appear that no one is practicing self control. Remember, we hate righteous people so we avoid them. We chose to be hopeless and the law of attraction is surrounding us with other hopeless people. Of course, looking around us, it would seem impossible to control our tongues because who around us does?

            The end of chapter three and beginning of chapter four we are warned of the dangers of ego. Jealousy and selfishness are obviously the fruit of ego and lead to disorder and EVERY bad habit. The ego is the cause of war and division. If you are only serving your self(ego), then the laws of abundance will be abandoned and, instead of cooperation, you will choose manipulation to get what you want. The ultimate form of manipulation is bullying which, on a larger scale, translates to war. Being around a bunch of hopeless people, we tend to distrust and bicker amongst each other. Why? Because we don’t have a common goal/cause. We are each serving our own egos and denying each other. Of course, we are going to hate on that and call each other haters.

            Even the disciples fall victim to ego. In Mark Chapter 9, Jesus catches them arguing over who is greatest. Sound like a dick contest? It was. Jesus took the opportunity to instruct them in humility. “If anyone wishes to be first, he shall be the last of all and the servant of all.” Even the churches today slip up with this one. They proclaim to the uninformed that Jesus had a favorite. Jesus Loved the world. That is the entire planet, not the ‘world’ as in worldly ways. Then he grabs a random child and reminds us all that giving up our egos is the only way we can achieve Godliness from a child through Jesus. We always use children as symbol of innocence. We should also see children as the last time we were egoless. It’s parents who instill ego into children, either directly or by modeling.

So we come full circle. Through children we can remember being egoless and hopeful. Now is the time to reflect on when we gave up hope and embraced ego. Maybe we haven’t given up hope totally and it’s situational. From time to time we just choose ego. It takes practice. The practice shouldn’t be selfishness but selflessness. The question in situations should be whether it is mandatory to hold on to our selves. It never is if we believe in what we say we believe in. Practice! Ask yourself ALL the time and EVERY time if you can serve God by giving up your self.

Chasing The P: Tammy & Kathryn

Chasing The P: Tammy & Kathryn

LaShawn asked a question: “Men: Do you really NOT know when a woman your boy might be interested in is really MORE interested in YOU?! Or do you really know but NOT trying to go there with her because you know your boy is feeling her? ~ He's my "Bro", she's my "Sister" crap Kills me Ortega!”

This was the short answer:

(Part 1) I kind of get what you're asking. This is just a flirting situation. She would have to shut my boy down completely for me to notice. The reason I'm ignorant of her intentions is because I'm actually ignoring her until she turns my boy down. Unless that happens, she's with him

(Part 2) It's because women won't say anything straight out. That's the point of this whole post. IF a woman just said "I like you. I don't like him" or vice-versa, men wouldn't jump to conclusions. If we have to guess, I'm erring on the side of optimism. That means whipping it out. All you can do is tell me to put it back

This was my long answer:

I owe a lot of my early love life to Anthony. In the days before we had cars, our own places, and any money at all, Anthony was the best wing man ever. If I could just match that productivity now, I’d be a trillionaire. He was on the phone tough during any free time we had and could sell ice to Eskimos.

In 1993, one of the best years ever, he called me. We had dates to the movies. He had met a girl who had a friend. (Oh those days…) “My girl” was named Kathryn. “His” was Tammy. To the Culver City we went. The Marina was to meet girls; Culver City was the low-key date movie theater.

Tammy was gorgeous. Very petite, the most beautiful face, and she dressed well. If Anthony hadn’t told me he met her already, I would have chosen her. Kathryn was beautiful too. She had a nice figure, cute face, and her accent was attractive. She was American, Black, from Los Angeles but she spoke so different. She was cool.

Anthony had given me the rundown. Both were: private school girls (different private schools), best friends, lived down the street from each other.

For almost two years, Tammy and Kathryn were our main dates. I was getting serious about Kathryn but things moved slowly. Kathryn couldn't have boyfriends and she didn’t always get to come out. That became a big problem and eventually the end of Kathryn and I.

Tammy, however, was the focal point of all our kicking it. She had other friends and would invite them if Kathryn couldn't make it. She and Anthony’s relationship was strange. According to him, she had a boyfriend she wasn't faithful to. She spent A LOT of time with us though. Her mom loved me. Most parents did then. I was the master of the living room.

I didn't think of it then but Anthony shared a little too much about their relationship. It occurred to me that I knew too much about some P that I wasn't getting and would probably never get. All that mattered was Tammy was cool and she had friends. AND we had something to do nearly all the time. I could always ask Anthony to call Tammy to get it popping if Chasing the P elsewhere wasn't going well. Over the years I've had a ton of homegirls. Tammy may have been my first real homegirl.

Homegirls are essential to Chasing the P. A good one has plenty of satellite friends that you can hook up with. Unfortunately, I got out of hand with Chasing the P one night or twice when Kathryn wasn't able to come out. Her name was Sheri. She appeared to be the perfect satellite friend. Anthony told me she was easy and Tammy told me she wouldn’t tell so I went for it. That was end Kathryn. For a month or two I was so sad/mad at myself, I actually started listening to R&B for more than making sex tapes. I realized what Babyface was talking about.

Fortunately, Tammy kept in touch for five more years. She would call every once in a while. I wanted to call her but I intentionally ‘forgot’ her number out of respect for whatever she had going on with Anthony. There are rules to Chasing the P. Tammy was awesome and she still had friends. After high school, I wasn't playing any games. All of my networking was connected in some way to Chasing the P. Anthony rarely mentioned Tammy anymore. I definitely looked forward to her calls. Initially, I wanted to fish for news of Kathryn but, soon, I just wanted to talk to Tammy.

By the time we were twenty Anthony and I were growing apart. We had different friends and priorities. We were still talking and hanging out when I mentioned seeing Tammy on the street one day. Anthony told me she had a boyfriend and had ended their sexual relationship. Now, I wished I remembered Tammy’s number. I don’t do my boy’s left-overs but Tammy was different. I wanted to know everything. There was only one way to find out.

A few weeks or a few months later, Tammy called. For the first time ever, she mentioned her and Anthony’s relationship. She only said that he was acting strange and didn’t talk to her that often. After all these years, I assumed I could speak frankly. Plus, L.A. was being born. I just told the truth as I knew it, as subtly as a dump truck…

“That’s because yall ain't fucking no more.”

“WHAT???”

I repeated.

What happened in the next five/ten minutes was the above story from Tammy’s perspective. There were some MAJOR differences.

Contrary to Anthony’ story, the day I met Tammy was EVERYONE’s first time meeting. She hoped I was Anthony, she confessed. She had always considered Anthony just a homeboy. There was no sex of any type going on between the two. I asked about instances where he would maneuver her to her bedroom. She claimed they were talking about some other girl he was supposed to be dating.

So many things started to make sense, like why Anthony never made her a main girl when she was the finest thing he ever shook hands with. I was about to ask more questions, like if she ever actually had an STD. (Maybe I WAS naive. I just didn't see a reason for my best friend to lie to me.) I was too overwhelmed by those first few revelations. I completely forgot my mission to find out everything.

What proceeded afterwards was a bunch of lies and misdirection. At the end of it all, I wouldn’t talk to Tammy for many years. A few months later, neither would I talk to Anthony.

After that, it was hard to trust my “friends” when it came to women. And I don’t want to hear any of it when it comes to someone (Anyone) else’s sex lives. Even when it comes to counseling, friends are encouraged to spare me the details.

The most important realization came much, much later. I listened to Babyface so much after the Kathryn episode that “For The Cool In You” (the album) still takes me back. I was listening to ‘When Can I see You Again’ and it all came back. I would usually turn Babyface off when nostalgia started coming. This time I let it come. The whole story flashed through my head and I finally got it. Tammy liked me. For the first time, I listened to Babyface for a girl I never dated…

It took years for the day to come when I got it. By then it was too late.

At the end of it all, it hurt more to lose Tammy than it did to lose Kathryn, and not because of the satellite friends. She meant a lot to me. And I never told her. I still wish it was her instead of Kathryn. 

So no, LaShawn, men don’t know when a woman is more interested in them than their friend and  we don’t want to go there out of respect for our friends, even if our friends don’t extend the same respect. It may take years if we ever do realize it. And by then, it’ll be too late.

The Natural Man

26 Natural Man

            We are born to sin. It’s in our nature… Tell that shit to God.

(St. Peter with a trap door) – “We want you to talk to another one of our angels. Stand over that square over there please. Yes. Right there…”

            Something was a little off with dude. When I met him, he was cool. We spoke a little. He was into the Bible. He told me about the prayer circle. There was something else underneath, though. He was a little negative ALL the time. He was always crying about something. It took nearly a month for it to all come out but when it did, I finally got it.

            I keep my mouth shut to avoid arguments but I always side with the guards, no matter what. (In jail/prison, all inmates are supposed to be against the guards, no matter what.) This time in jail is our opportunity to develop habits which will make us better citizens when it’s time to go home. The guards take it upon themselves to instill discipline in addition to the routine. Each of us has a different idea about discipline. Why should I take their attempt at positivity personal? What better models for NOT going to jail do we have anyway?

            Dude took it personal.

I waited until the next time he did it to engage him. “He treat us like kids” We are kids. We are children of God in the developmental stage. And more to the point, our immaturity led us here. “I’m a grown ass man.” [If you must remind people… Obviously… No… No. SMH] This is his attempt at giving us the discipline we need.  Everyone in here, innocent or guilty, is in here because of lack of discipline. “We all sinners. He sin too.” But he’s disciplined enough to stay out of here and seek salvation elsewhere. We are all sinners but we don’t have to stay that way. “It’s in our nature to sin. We can’t shange.”

            Ah ha!

            So there it was. A natural man. A man driven purely by ego. That explains all the crying. The complaining. The self-absorbedness without self awareness. The self serving without self control. The over inflated sense of self with complete lack of self esteem.

            That is the Natural Man. The Natural Man is completely ego driven, utterly impulsive, very animalistic, often misled, totally insecure and vulnerable; and completely unaware of any of this. Eckhart Tolle in The New Earth and my friend Kobe actually sum it up succinctly.”The ego is a liar”

            Kobe actually called it the subconscious. The ego runs the subconscious. The ego does all the lying. As well, the ego does all the covering up for the lies and the ensuing shortcomings

            Contrary to popular opinion a large ego is not connected to a healthy or high self esteem. In fact, a large ego will kill self esteem and tell you everything is better than fine, it’s great! The ego’s main concern is comfort. View the natural reaction to change. The ego tells you to reject change. As far as growth, the ego will make some concessions to stimulate growth. SOME. In fact, the natural man never fully matures. He simply readjusts his comfort zones.

            The natural man is, in short, a big baby. He may pay bills. Maybe he goes to work. The natural man can seem normal. It is only when you get to motivations that the ego’s role become more apparent. In jail/prison, among a larger selection of unsophisticated individuals, the motivations are laid bare. Now it is easier to read and relate the behavior of the natural man. In sophisticated society, men and women can hide behind facades. There is not of that in jail/prison. Just ego, out in the open.

            Let me assuage the emotional, twitter readers. When I say inmates are very animalistic, that is to say their behavior is not very far evolved from animals. I am not referring to violence but more so to violent mood swings.

            Inmates prove the perfect specimen like a one celled amoeba or mendels flowers for genetic study. There are so few variables to consider. Assuming Darwin was right, welcome to the monkey house! There is some home training, but the priorities are low. Eat, sleep, shit, smoke and jack. Bathing is optional. Again it’s a comfort concession of the ego. Natural men who can’t smell themselves may be guilted into bathing but smoking, horseplay and talking shit take priority.

            Conversations are very telling. Lack of sophistication makes ego very apparent. No one asks for anything right out. The ego can’t stand rejection so every request is prefaced with another question. “Are you going to eat that?” Only when the reqest is certain to be granted will it be made outright. Even then, it may not be in the form of a question. “Let me get that”

            In here, we witness the irresponsible and irresponsive. Most inmates are innocent. The admittedly guilty (drug dealers/addicts) still place blame on others. “My dumb ass girl let the cops search the house.” “[insert any county/police organization] is fucked up. They be all smelling drugs and searching (finding two ounces sitting in the passenger seat like a person with the seatbelt on.) everything.” There is no forethought. Plans are always forgotten in favor of immediate gratification or dwelling on how fucked up the police are for fighting crime and criminal behavior. Reactions are immediate, universal and, of course, ego driven.

            Everything is personal. Since the ego is fragile, Natural Men are equally fragile. Every slight discomfort is an overt effort by “the cops”/deputies to hate. Some of my religious brothers call if The Devil. When the deputy takes away your contraband he’s hating, even though he previously explained he’s trying to teach you to follow the rules, even though he could have punished you severely. “That’s just the devil trying you.” Natural men don’t suffer as groups either. Dorm meetings are full of grumbles – “Why you telling me? Tell that/those niggahs.”

            Let me come back to the natural man statement – “It’s in our nature to sin. We can’t change that.” The Natural Man has the end all be all excuse. It would seem.

            So let’s look at the nature of sin

            In the beginning, there was no sin. There was only one rule in Eden. Don’t eat of the Tree of Good and Evil. Just like diplomatic immunity, being a citizen of one country you can’t be expected to be aware of the obscure law of another country. That, of course, is not a defense of crime anymore due to abuse of that loophole and treaties that followed. It just goes to show – you will be responsible for what you know and only for what you know. If you know nothing, you can be responsible for nothing.

            The knowledge of good and evil brought more than just that knowledge. It brought the responsibility for that knowledge. Knowledge of good and evil and the ensuing responsibility are both a gift and a curse. The curse was obvious. Sin, and it’s consequence, was introduced to the world. Adam and Eve were kicked out of Eden and sorrow and pain were introduced to man’s existence.

            For most people the story ends there, with the curse. And Natural men are the extreme of this paradigm. But read it again. Knowledge of GOOD and evil. There’s a blessing in everything. If you can see that in jail, you can see it anywhere. I went inside those walls prepared to accept a punishment and walked out with a reward. The gift was knowledge, wisdom and understanding all of which we can use to choose between good and evil or right and wrong. We were already created with free will. Now we have the responsibility of making a choice. Knowledge of good and evil meant a choice between good and evil.

            Assuming we evolved from animals, the analogy still holds true. Not only did we develop arms legs and lungs but also intellect. We acquired knowledge. We began to think. We even think about thinking. As such, we still developed the knowledge of good and evil without the creation story. Therefore, evolution still develops for us a choice.

            That choice leads us to become the only animals blessed with the capability of changing our nature. We can be born and raised one way and ascend or descend to anything we choose. We can grow up believing one thing and come to believe the complete opposite or anywhere in between. A worker bee can never bee queen, likewise a queen cannot become a drone. But common man can become King and king can renounce/lose his throne and live a peasant’s life.

            At this stage of human development, it should be simple to change. Unfortunately change is up there higher than public speaking as fears go. The ego will fight hard, tooth and nail, for its comfort zones.  ‘Don’t move to a new town’ ‘You don’t know anyone there. Stay here’ ‘You’re too old to go back to school/to start over’ ‘You’ve been smoking too long to quit’ ‘Withdrawal is painful’ ‘I’m too young to  be married’ ‘Marriage is hard’

            The Natural man calls it staying happy and free. The prototypes are The Nature Boy Ric Flair, Hugh Hefner, Frank Sinatra, The Playboys… He develops a lifestyle that doesn’t promote any growth but is completely comfortable. No matter how macho a natural man comes off, his ego is deeply afraid. Change is coming and it will ruin ego’s pre-established comfort patterns. The natural man is completely unaware all this is going on. He is proud to have a huge ego. It’s warm and cuddly like the womb.

            Without presence of mind we are ruled by our natures aka ego. Knowledge of self kills ego. Hidden within ourselves are hopes and dreams and aspirations. Hidden deep down is change and growth. Not only perspective but a complete paradigm shift comes from listening to something other than ego. Freedom and happiness take on new meaning.

            Presence of mind makes us responsive instead of reactive. We can begin to consider some of the dumbness that comes out of our mouths. “That’s just how I feel.” “I can’t change.” “That’s just me.” We question our motivations. Eventually, we can catch stupidness before it leaves our mouths.

            Truly responsive men will replace ‘grown ass’ natural men. These new men will realize being born into sin only means there is an option. Responsible individuals can choose not to sin. We are born into sin. It’s in our nature. The natural man can tell that shit to God.

            I can envision St. Peter standing at the gates – “Oh really? Born sinning? In your nature? Why don’t you talk to another one of our angels? Just wait over there over that square…” (Trapdoor Sounds)

Natural Men, you’ve been warned…

Good luck with that shit!

            Natural men are the extreme. I only use them to explain behavior that is apparent in ALL of us. After I get rid of the natural men, I’m coming after the rest of you. We must put aside our egos completely if we want to evolve into our better selves. Egos will and must be eradicated in order for our world to not only survive but flourish.

           

            Remember you have a choice, always! And don’t despair if you make the wrong one. By the grace of God and the power of choice, you’ll get another chance. Keep choosing!

Haters

Current mood: bouncy
Category: Life

You know with a title like that, this blog is supposed to start out with all kinds of - Fuck them haters! and Let you haters be your motivators! and shit like that. But I thought I'd go a little deeper today.

As I am work listening to grown men concern themselves with another grown man's personal life, it strikes me. It is eternally sad to feel so low that you need to hate on crackheads and little children to make yourself feel better. Hate is so rampant now, no one can escape it.

We hate on our friends. We hate on our families. We hate on our children. And worst of all, we hate on ourselves. Some of us say the most terrible shit to ourselves.
"I can't" "I won't" "I'm too...(old, black, wild, crazy, stupid) Blah. Blah. Blah.Yippity Yap Yap. Crippity Crap Crap.

We look in the mirror like...

Just shut up all the self pity. Because that's what hate is. It's you feeling sorry for yourself and trying to beat somebody down to "build yourself up".
It never works. Once you feel good about hating on someone, the self-hate kiccs right back in again so you have to find another person or thing to hate on. And the cycle goes on and on...

Until you start loving yourself. Truly. Not based on comparisons with other people. Based on being a beautiful human being. Not based on what you have. Based on what you are. Life alll around you becomes clearer when you start letting that little light of yours shine. Let it shine. Let it shine.

So let it shine and as Kat Williams would say - "Take care fo the star player on your team!"


Thank you my dear

preach bruvs! good stuff here

Dang, All this praise. I was hoping for some hate. Damn haters! Always hiding...

Awwww, you suck LA! HAHAHAHAHA...HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE! (Ok, so I had a flashback to the Chapelle show!...sue me!)

I hate Dave Chappelle for not coming back!