Current mood: thankful
Category: Life
Never despair. Even the worst ADD ridden children have a bright side. You can give them back. Always remember they are leaving soon. And never have your own children because you can't give them back.
Life is good. I'm sharing it with the world. So this is life the way I see it...
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
Thank You Retards: (I stole this from Whitney)
Current mood: flirty
Category: Life
It's my intention to make you all smile. If you're not smiling, what's the point.
THIS IS NUCKIN FUTS!!!
retards are super creative!!
Category: Art and Photography
the transformative power of retardation is real.
in the subway this one time, where they roam freely,
i saw this tard
slapping the shit out of himself for money
it was really sweet.
he had pans and cutting boards and cardboard
and shit duct taped to his body to create different sounds
and then he would slap the shit out of himself
for my entertainment.
it was like candy, mind-blowing.
he earned every cent of that fifty-eight.
this other tard (he said his name was uuuggggghhhhhh)
created a doodoo-schmear in the likeness of bloomberg,
our esteemed mayor, on a window of the f train.
where i saw a window,
he saw a frame for his artistic fecal reconstruction.
the simp aesthetic, foreign in my carefully constructed,
acutely logical scene, reveals an imaginative climate
outside of my comfort zone but so close i could clean it
with clorox and a ten foot pole.
but who the fuck am i to judge them?
i won't giuliani them.
after all, what have i made out of
my own shit (or someone else's) lately?
a doodoo-schmear ended up
teaching me about myself.
thank you, (re)tards.
i apologize if you are offended by my commendation
because it was meant for every other retard but you.
yes... it's amazing some of the things we see in the transit stations. i have stopped riding alone at night cuz it gets a little scary at times. but everybody gets by in life whatever way they can.
Category: Life
It's my intention to make you all smile. If you're not smiling, what's the point.
THIS IS NUCKIN FUTS!!!
retards are super creative!!
Category: Art and Photography
the transformative power of retardation is real.
in the subway this one time, where they roam freely,
i saw this tard
slapping the shit out of himself for money
it was really sweet.
he had pans and cutting boards and cardboard
and shit duct taped to his body to create different sounds
and then he would slap the shit out of himself
for my entertainment.
it was like candy, mind-blowing.
he earned every cent of that fifty-eight.
this other tard (he said his name was uuuggggghhhhhh)
created a doodoo-schmear in the likeness of bloomberg,
our esteemed mayor, on a window of the f train.
where i saw a window,
he saw a frame for his artistic fecal reconstruction.
the simp aesthetic, foreign in my carefully constructed,
acutely logical scene, reveals an imaginative climate
outside of my comfort zone but so close i could clean it
with clorox and a ten foot pole.
but who the fuck am i to judge them?
i won't giuliani them.
after all, what have i made out of
my own shit (or someone else's) lately?
a doodoo-schmear ended up
teaching me about myself.
thank you, (re)tards.
i apologize if you are offended by my commendation
because it was meant for every other retard but you.
yes... it's amazing some of the things we see in the transit stations. i have stopped riding alone at night cuz it gets a little scary at times. but everybody gets by in life whatever way they can.
Friday, January 19, 2007
The New Blogs
Current mood: energetic
Category: Writing and Poetry
So you can see how you all help me out with my writing (It goes much further than telling me if you like my poems), I'll share a recent (today) story.
I was going over my blog comments today and I came across a few that encouraged me but they also began a train of thought. I had been trying to figure out how to write the essays that introduced my poetry. So I was thinking about writing this new blog and at the same time taking in the input from my recent blogs. Someone wrote a comment and I thought to my self, I should write a poem about this person. Actually, I wondered if I had ever written a poem for this person and then I thought about writing one. Then another person commented on another blog and I thought back to the last time I met that person and the poems I wrote then. When some of you knew me, I am certain you all had no idea of what was going on in my head. What was going on was this poetry. As well as this comedy. As well as the seeds of these essays. Finally, the idea for today's blog came to me. My inspiration comes from some wild and varied areas. Pimps, retards, sexy women, scholars, mentors, family, crack heads, speed freaks, drunks, punks, whoop whops, skamps and skalliwags. (These are all the topics of my new blogs)
And it came to me.
My essays are going to be these new blogs with additional background information that will take you truly inside my head to the inspirations at various moments of my life. (I need to eat my mind has been drifting for the last hour and a half.) So take these new blogs as a preview to the finished product. Be excited for me too! I met another author who writes for a fledgling publishing company so...(fingers crossed) So while still no poetry for a short while, there will be many glimpses at the book. And many different things for you all to enjoy and participate in. The process is songoing and the journey is never over and I want you all to come along.
Giddy-UP!!!
i'm really enjoying the new blogs... light-hearted entertainment with a little urban edumacation. but i hope you realize now you're gonna have to define whoop whops as "word of the day" in the near future. lol.
Whoop whop is not a real word. It was added purely for entertainment value. However, If we want to make it a word...
Category: Writing and Poetry
So you can see how you all help me out with my writing (It goes much further than telling me if you like my poems), I'll share a recent (today) story.
I was going over my blog comments today and I came across a few that encouraged me but they also began a train of thought. I had been trying to figure out how to write the essays that introduced my poetry. So I was thinking about writing this new blog and at the same time taking in the input from my recent blogs. Someone wrote a comment and I thought to my self, I should write a poem about this person. Actually, I wondered if I had ever written a poem for this person and then I thought about writing one. Then another person commented on another blog and I thought back to the last time I met that person and the poems I wrote then. When some of you knew me, I am certain you all had no idea of what was going on in my head. What was going on was this poetry. As well as this comedy. As well as the seeds of these essays. Finally, the idea for today's blog came to me. My inspiration comes from some wild and varied areas. Pimps, retards, sexy women, scholars, mentors, family, crack heads, speed freaks, drunks, punks, whoop whops, skamps and skalliwags. (These are all the topics of my new blogs)
And it came to me.
My essays are going to be these new blogs with additional background information that will take you truly inside my head to the inspirations at various moments of my life. (I need to eat my mind has been drifting for the last hour and a half.) So take these new blogs as a preview to the finished product. Be excited for me too! I met another author who writes for a fledgling publishing company so...(fingers crossed) So while still no poetry for a short while, there will be many glimpses at the book. And many different things for you all to enjoy and participate in. The process is songoing and the journey is never over and I want you all to come along.
Giddy-UP!!!
i'm really enjoying the new blogs... light-hearted entertainment with a little urban edumacation. but i hope you realize now you're gonna have to define whoop whops as "word of the day" in the near future. lol.
Whoop whop is not a real word. It was added purely for entertainment value. However, If we want to make it a word...
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Word of the Day: Burnt Out
In the meantime, my non-fiction is going to channel Dick Gregory. (More 1967 Dick Gregory and only a little 2016 Dick Gregory) I want to be humorous but serious at the same time. Serious is easy. I want to work on my humor so here are some thoughts.
The word of the day is my vocabulary only. I use some words that are L.A. words but mostly it's L.A. That is, a combination of dialects from Los Angeles to the Bay to D.C, New Orleans, Atlanta or what ever. (I even use Spanish from time to time)
Today's word is:
Burnt Out (Burned Out)
As in "You are burnt out!"
This one is hard to define. It refers to the condition after periods of high stress like drinking/drug binges, extreme sorrow/grief, physical exhaustion. or the like. For instance, if you are out drinking and someone goes past being a funny drunk and just goes "CooCoo's Nest" for a minute. Or someone is exhausted and goes beyond sleepy talk to just non-sense. The key is that the people who are burnt out don't know they're burnt out. That's why you have to point it out to your friends from time to time.
Oh yeah! As I have quite often been "burnt out" my self, you may need further clarification or have something to add. Feel Free. I still dig comments.
can you be "burned out" from work...even if it is not a physically demanding job?
You, my friend, are burned out in general!
The word of the day is my vocabulary only. I use some words that are L.A. words but mostly it's L.A. That is, a combination of dialects from Los Angeles to the Bay to D.C, New Orleans, Atlanta or what ever. (I even use Spanish from time to time)
Today's word is:
Burnt Out (Burned Out)
As in "You are burnt out!"
This one is hard to define. It refers to the condition after periods of high stress like drinking/drug binges, extreme sorrow/grief, physical exhaustion. or the like. For instance, if you are out drinking and someone goes past being a funny drunk and just goes "CooCoo's Nest" for a minute. Or someone is exhausted and goes beyond sleepy talk to just non-sense. The key is that the people who are burnt out don't know they're burnt out. That's why you have to point it out to your friends from time to time.
Oh yeah! As I have quite often been "burnt out" my self, you may need further clarification or have something to add. Feel Free. I still dig comments.
can you be "burned out" from work...even if it is not a physically demanding job?
You, my friend, are burned out in general!
Babysitting Tip #1
Category: Life
When you stay at home like I do, babysitting is a good way to make sitting on the couch profitable. So, I thought I might share some of the things I've learned from my eleven nieces and nephews and random crack babies, bastard children, puppies, kitties and flushed goldfish.
#1 is the most important:
No dough. No Show. If your broke friend asks you to babysit, buy them a box of rubbers and politely pass. Tell them they can't afford children. Give them the rubbers and the phone number of somewhere they can sell their children on the black market.
that was hilarious! you really need to be focusing on your book....not these funny little blogs!!!
Oh the book is fine. I just had to give you all something in the mean time!
Oh my GOODNESS!! How come I didn't know you were this funny?
You probably thought I was just being drunk.
So true, so true....
so true... especially if the kids are bad! but if you do decide to start baby-sitting for free please let me know cuz i'm paying twice as much for day care as my monthly car payment right now.
When you stay at home like I do, babysitting is a good way to make sitting on the couch profitable. So, I thought I might share some of the things I've learned from my eleven nieces and nephews and random crack babies, bastard children, puppies, kitties and flushed goldfish.
#1 is the most important:
No dough. No Show. If your broke friend asks you to babysit, buy them a box of rubbers and politely pass. Tell them they can't afford children. Give them the rubbers and the phone number of somewhere they can sell their children on the black market.
that was hilarious! you really need to be focusing on your book....not these funny little blogs!!!
Oh the book is fine. I just had to give you all something in the mean time!
Oh my GOODNESS!! How come I didn't know you were this funny?
You probably thought I was just being drunk.
So true, so true....
so true... especially if the kids are bad! but if you do decide to start baby-sitting for free please let me know cuz i'm paying twice as much for day care as my monthly car payment right now.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Babysitting Tip #67
Current mood: busy
Category: Life
Save money on food by telling fat kids they can live for weeks on their fat cells. Every time they say they're hungry, give them water. Their parents will thank you.
LOL!! So just don't feed them at all? Poor kids. Remind me never to let you babysit my kids. ESPECIALLY if they're fat. You're HILARIOUS!
You are my role model! Teach me to be more gooder
Category: Life
Save money on food by telling fat kids they can live for weeks on their fat cells. Every time they say they're hungry, give them water. Their parents will thank you.
LOL!! So just don't feed them at all? Poor kids. Remind me never to let you babysit my kids. ESPECIALLY if they're fat. You're HILARIOUS!
You are my role model! Teach me to be more gooder
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Question: Dumbing Down for Street Cred
Current mood: productive
Category: Life
I was just thinking and I REALLY want to know:
Do you have to be dumb for street cred? Can you name anyone with real street cred who doesn't have some dumb shit attached to them? I guess the ultimate question is - is street cred necessary at all? If you want to do any improving of "the streets" that is. Isn't integrity enough? Why is credibility so important to people with bad or no credit themselves?
A person with street cred is a window shopper. They are on the outside looking in and looking dumb.
lol...recently a certain group of people in my life have begun clowning me for not having street cred... hmm... they have all done some seriously stupid shit..
Between my hoodish relatives and the youngsters I've met from my area and Decatur. I had to ask. It's getting out of hand.
Category: Life
I was just thinking and I REALLY want to know:
Do you have to be dumb for street cred? Can you name anyone with real street cred who doesn't have some dumb shit attached to them? I guess the ultimate question is - is street cred necessary at all? If you want to do any improving of "the streets" that is. Isn't integrity enough? Why is credibility so important to people with bad or no credit themselves?
A person with street cred is a window shopper. They are on the outside looking in and looking dumb.
lol...recently a certain group of people in my life have begun clowning me for not having street cred... hmm... they have all done some seriously stupid shit..
Between my hoodish relatives and the youngsters I've met from my area and Decatur. I had to ask. It's getting out of hand.
Word of the Day
Current mood:My new love is caffiene
Category: Life
I know you all want poetry but I made myself a promise not to write anymore new stuff until my book is 100% finished. That's my new rule: Nothing new until the old is finished.
But in the meantime, I still want to give everyone insights into me. One of the ways I'll be doing that is - The Word of the Day.
Today's word is Elbow Booty.
It refers the uncanny resemblance the female body makes to an elbow when certain women bend over. (I can't name any names because I am in the south and I see tons of exceptions to old rules everyday.) The phenomena is noticeable because like the funny bone sticking out of the bent elbow, booty bone is also most prominent in a bent over elbow Booty...
Elbow booties do exist. Check your self out if you have any question. And don't despair, some one loves that.
Closest Approximation of Elbow Booty:
I'm not quite sue I understand what "Elbow Booty" looks like, but it sure sounds funny. At the same time it does not sound attractive, so I'm hoping it doesn't apply to me... LMAO! (or, LMEBO)... lol
Category: Life
I know you all want poetry but I made myself a promise not to write anymore new stuff until my book is 100% finished. That's my new rule: Nothing new until the old is finished.
But in the meantime, I still want to give everyone insights into me. One of the ways I'll be doing that is - The Word of the Day.
Today's word is Elbow Booty.
It refers the uncanny resemblance the female body makes to an elbow when certain women bend over. (I can't name any names because I am in the south and I see tons of exceptions to old rules everyday.) The phenomena is noticeable because like the funny bone sticking out of the bent elbow, booty bone is also most prominent in a bent over elbow Booty...
Elbow booties do exist. Check your self out if you have any question. And don't despair, some one loves that.
Closest Approximation of Elbow Booty:
I'm not quite sue I understand what "Elbow Booty" looks like, but it sure sounds funny. At the same time it does not sound attractive, so I'm hoping it doesn't apply to me... LMAO! (or, LMEBO)... lol
Sunday, January 7, 2007
The Story II
For anyone not familiar with "The Story", this time I won't be reposting it. You just have to look for it to get caught up. Anyhow, this is the conclusion.
I call it: Drug Dealer Classes.
In two weeks I'll be all done with the hard part of my probation. I probably won't mention it anymore simply because I expect to be to busy to focus on it. It'll just be one more bill to mail off.
So I mentioned drug dealer classes before. I procrastinated on going because I didn't see any benefit. So far, I am absolutely right. These classes are for retards. Not to mention that the focus is on substance abuse. (That's a whole other blog!) But the message (Which I learned before and is eerily similar to "The Seven Habits...") is dumbed down far too much. I knew it! I knew when I first spoke with the counselor (He interviews you to recommend his services) he was going to find something to try to get me into his classes (Which cost money). I told him my story, his mind worked overtime. What he came up with was drug dealer classes. I have to go to six. Not a great number, but as my patience for the BullShit decreases, I have to cut back everywhere I can.
So I spoke with him last night. I told him I wasn't seeing a benefit in the classes. I did not insult the participants for whom the classes were working. He looked me in the eye and told me it was a process. I have four more classes, he hasn't mentioned drug dealing, I haven't met any drug dealers, and there are 12 steps on the wall (four classes-12steps-Seven Habits-$120). I have to speak to my probation officer. (I'm declaring Shennanigans!)
I jumped the gun when I said there was nothing to learn. I hope to learn some humility. Either way, it'll all be over soon. If had took the time in October of '05, I wouldn't be having so much of mine wasted now.
Well that's that. Now back to our regular programming.
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