Don't Rape

The problem with Cornell is a problem with rape (I mean) frat culture. It's the fact that my first thought was to protect the young women and warn them about these parties. But we should be warning young men. Your boys can get you in trouble. Promising you sex from unwilling women is a red flag. Promising sex from a woman or women you've never spoken to is a red flag. And the red flag is YOU WILL GO TO JAIL. Rapists don't have good time in jail. For young women, do not choose large and wild parties as the moment to sleep with your boyfriend. I'm sure you've been warned to watch your drinks, don't drink too much, stay with your friends... All of those warnings make tired. What if you're a Black woman? You have to remember all those rules PLUS all the Black rules, plus the don't get kidnapped rules... It's just a lot of avoiding victimization and not enough prosecution and crime prevention. When it comes to rape, its too much "Don't get raped." and no "Don't rape." It's the effort that went into defaming Kobe Bryant's rape victim. Because that was rape. Admitting that hopefully helps some young man avoid a similar situation. Consent is consent the entire time. The whole 15 minutes. Anyone can withdraw consent at any point and you have to respect that. Nothing else matters. A woman can be a porn star, she can be the queen of gang bangs. She can still say no. At any time. This started as a post on Facebook wondering if it will even be published. Because in rape culture, you can't say Don't Rape. It makes the rapists feel bad so they'll report you. But they won't report their frat brother raping a woman behind a dumpster... And that's the problem. Let me break down some more detail. I've been to parties. I've been to wild parties. I've been to frat parties. I've been to drug parties. I've been to sex parties. I've seen all kinds of people get "White Girl Wasted". I've been "White Girl Wasted". I can say, focusing on sex parties, the consents starts at the door. There's an overt agreement, not impliedimplied, not assumed, that there will be sex. That doesn't mean everyone is guaranteed sex. Men and have to consent. And they typically take time to make sure they consent. I've seen women point to the men in the room, "I'll sleep with you, you, you, not you, you. And no one else." And everyone is cool with that. For the most part.
I know a lot of Fraternity, Sorority and non-members wish their parties were sex parties. They are not. If every single person in the party does not openly consent to it being a sex party, then it's not a sex party. It can become a sex party. All the non-consenting people can leave and then the sex party can continue. But consent remains and to be honest the parties I've been to, the remaining people have largely paced themselves. "White Girl Wasted" is not allowed at real consenting sex parties.

And these are the REAL conversations we need to have before sending virgins off to college so we can stop getting Rapists, tricks and incells back.

I didn't realize how special my parents' talk was. It didn't seem too deep at the time but my father taught me to not be afraid to ask for what I wanted. My mother flat out told me "Don't Rape" and poined out that trying to get women drunk was rape. She told me if I got girls drunk, they would throw up on me. I'm not rying o pretend I was perfect. I didn't get it until I was making out with a young lady in college. We had been drinking. I really liked this girl so I was excited to be in that position. Too excited to notice that she had been drinking too much. It wasn't until she jumped up and went to the bathroom to throw up that it hit. She wiped er mouth and left me. I talked to her later and she made it clear she wasn't interested. I like tho think I was saved from a dangerous and horrible situation. After that, I was definitely more cautious. It was even much later in life that I realized a lot of men's parents didn't talk to them at all let alone specifically discouraging rape and encouraging communication and responsibility.

So, in that spirit, let me make it clear. DON'T RAPE. Don't get women drunk. Don't roofie women. Don't run trains.(becuase YUCK anyway) I've been in rooms with men and women who maybe were too nervous/timid to ask for sex and been the one to get it poppin. I've been in rooms where one or two of the men or women weren't interested and we didn't do anything. I've never told/not told a woman that a bunch (50?!?!) of my friends were waiting to come after me.

With all these rules and limitations I put on myself and the people around me, I've still had an above average sexual history (99.999% for free). I've still helped my friends hook up consentually with a decent number of women (and men). That's just to say. There is still plenty of sex to be had the honest way. Maybe, even more. Just don't rape.

It's not necessary. It's wildly wrong. And, maybe (hopefully), one day, you could even go to jail. And if/when that happens, THEN I'll tell you how not to raped.