Trying to Get The P for Free: Ode To Baby Daddies/Ex-Husbands and Shout Out to Real Fatherhood

            Despite what KRS-1 says and ALL my best efforts, the P is not free. In some way or another we all end up paying, before or after, for sex.

I’m sure we’re all familiar with what men will do to get sex, and how they change after but this is a little deeper.

What about when the for some reason or another outside of true Love, the man wants to stay? Sometimes the reason is as trivial as just wanting to back up a bunch of shit talking. In fact, most of the time the sex is not that great at all and it is the shit talking that keeps couples together.

It all begins with all the false identities we present to each other that build into the bigger promises we make in order to keep up relationships that are built on nothing. I know people whose relationships have less real talk than a couple in a Cinemax movie. That tends to be the way when people don’t want to hear the truth. The less talking, the less chance hurting one another’s feelings. In all relationships, plutonic, business, political as well as romantic, the truth is not very popular. Everyone just wants to be Politically Correct.

After centuries of these polite relationships, we’ve developed a society of dysfunctional relationships.  In short we are all a bunch of liars. We are an overly sexual society and most of us want to keep it a secret. Both the men and the women want to avoid being labeled. We all get into sexual relationships that we want to keep sexual. But the only way to keep any relationship purely sexual is to pay. As the saying goes - you don’t pay hookers for sex, you pay them to go away. But it’s a recession and as sexual as America is, no one wants to be seen as overly sexual, so we avoid hookers and situations where we could be seen as hookers.

And that begins the delicate dance of love. We want to get the P for free so we pretend to be in love. The only problem is we can’t dance. We keep making up more and more lies to keep the P free. We tell so many lies for so long that sometimes we wake up married with kids.

Here’s the bad news: Eventually, the truth always comes out. AND, eventually you always pay for the P. The longer you go without paying, the larger the bill raises. So when you finally figure out you’ve been playing yourself, you’ve got to pay.

Most of the time, the bill comes in the form of child support and, by the time that bill comes, play time is over. Another bill is called alimony. All of these “bills” come as a result of trying to avoid the prepayment for sex. I used to look down on a friend of mine who bragged about paying his wife for sex. But looking at their situation now, if they do ever make a split, it will be clean because he prepaid. They don’t have children. And his payments are documented. Worst case scenario, he’ll have to maintain his already small payments. Best case scenario, he’ll win and she’ll have to pay him.

 But let’s talk about the losers.

At some point in failed relationships, amnesia sets in. All the promises are forgotten. All the good times erased. All the lies ignored except for their use in arguments. When it comes to “Baby-Mamas”, “Baby Daddies” (I threw up a little in my mouth typing those words. I hate them so much. That’s another blog though.), Ex-Husbands and Ex-Wives it’s hard to look at them and imagine they ever loved or even tolerated each other enough to have unprotected sex once let alone a whole relationship’s worth of sex.

Dr. Laura always keeps it real. A couple may not reunite after splitting up but when children become involved, continued communication is mandatory. I didn’t realize my parents still talked till I was like twenty. They argued so much in front of me that it seemed impossible they could ever communicate rationally. I was so wrong! No wonder I couldn’t get away with any of that playing one against the other shit.

Number 8 is the biggest. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. All you are doing is just building a debt you WILL be forced to repay in one way or another. What started as lies to get the P for free can eventually lead to making false promises to children and can end up with you forking up some bail money for your stripper daughter.

The bottom line for men as well as women in relationships that doesn’t/won’t work out is to be honest to your words. Whether or not you can actually live up to the all the shit you talk in relationships, you WILL have to pay the debt one day. It may include child support, it may include alimony, it may be tuition, and you may have to raise someone else’s kid. But the most important debt you owe is to the children. And it’s not about money. It’s about time and Love. It’s about keeping your priorities in line.

When you truly make family and Love the priority, the money won’t matter. Neither parent will run from their responsibilities. And whether or not the romantic relationship works out the relationship between both parents must be maintained. Not just for the children but for fulfillment within your personal lives.

Paying what you owe is all about being true to yourself. At some point we all have to face the reality of our decisions. The sooner we do, the easier it will be to handle our responsibilities.

The P is not free. Whether it’s $1.50 for a pack of rubbers or $215,000 for college, you will pay. Even if it’s just time and the energy of dealing with each other honestly, which I say is the best value, you must pay.

It’s never too late ladies and gentlemen. No blame, no games, just start with a little honesty. And…

Pay what you owe.

What I Learned In Church: Christmas 2011

You know the story of Jesus’ birth but do you know what the story is all about?

This week was my return to El Shaddai. I have a bond with El Shaddai. There is learning wisdom, growth and, most of all, Love in that church. For all the traveling I do, there aren’t many churches that make me feel as at home as El Shaddai. For it to have been so long and so much to have changed, El Shaddai is still vital to my development. I have been and will continue to thank God for the influence of El Shaddai in my life as well as the life of my family.

Let us pray.

Lord thank you for your influence. Thank you for El Shaddai. God bless pastor White and the White family. Forgive me my distractions. Thank you for keeping me focused on Your word and Your Love despite the many other distractions. I trust I will receive your word through Pastor White and that the message will continue through me to all who actively seek You. We always pray in Jesus’ name. Amen

Many of us have heard the story of Jesus’ birth so many times and in so many ways, that we don’t pay attention even when we are reading it in the Bible. I’ve read the Bible cover to cover many times and I admit to glancing over parts I’ve heard about before especially the Nativity Story.

Read Luke chapters 1 and 2 in the spirit of meditation and focus. Let God’s word inspire you to study more. Realize YOU must study. YOU! I can tell you but true revelations come from actively seeking God not from hearing sermons. Sermons should inspire us to build and/or strengthen our relationships with God.

Proverbs 4:5-9 says “get wisdom”, “get understanding”, “it is the principle thing”. Ask for it. Seek it. By principle we mean first. Everyone is running to prosperity churches, buying books, running debt, and chasing dollars everywhere they can.  But if they have no wisdom, they have nothing.

In my family, we have a superstition. If your right palm itches, you’re going to get some money. Take it from me. I’ve seen money come and go. If there is any truth to the superstition, when your palm itches, you better get in that Bible. Get some wisdom FIRST! A fool and his money are soon parted (not in the Bible but true).

Wise people seek Christ. Not only is money fleeting, it will not get you what you truly want. Most of us have been looking for Love our entire lives. We never get it and instead fill our lives with ‘stuff’. Eventually our lives become full of everything but Jesus. James Chapter 3 warns us not only of the power of the tongue but of the difference between God’s wisdom and worldly wisdom.

There is nothing wrong with knowledge. A ton of people confuse, mix up and interchange knowledge, wisdom and understanding (www.dictionary.com). Because they are all interrelated most people grow to believe they are the same and that if they have one, they have the other. Knowledge of Christ leads you to God’s wisdom IF you keep seeking. It is unfortunate that there is never enough stuff, but there can be too much God for us. It’s even sadder when we consider how little satisfies us when it comes to God, while we are never satisfied with the little things in life.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying the fruits of your labor. We work hard to get what we have and we should count all prosperity as a blessing from God. But when the ‘stuff’ gets to be more important than God, you fall into spiritual slavery to ‘stuff’. All of a sudden, your loving family and friends are not enough. Christmas stops being about family and Love. Christmas becomes a competition to see who has/gets the most ‘stuff’.

Through study, meditation and prayer we see that Jesus “was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, that [you] through his poverty might be rich.” One thing I notice about truly wealthy people, the few I’ve met and the tons I’ve studied, is that they don’t make ‘stuff’ a priority. In the words of Dave Ramsey they – “Live like no other in order to live like no other”. On Sunday (it was Sunday more than it was Christmas) Pastor mentioned we must “go where we’ve never been to get what you never had”.

Now, let me be clear. My focus is giving my self up to God. I only look for opportunities to give and receive Love. My gift on Christmas was spending it in L.A. for the first time in five years. My gift was sitting with Pastor White at El Shaddai. My gift was seeing my changed cousin. My gift was a Snow Day with my girls. I also got to see my nephew act (well!) in A Christmas Carol. I got to see my niece practice and perform “What Christmas Means To Me” by Stevie Wonder. Above all I was blessed to be able to use my wisdom to keep Christmas full of Jesus and not ‘stuff’.

My one and only wish in writing this is that people who didn’t get those types of gift get them one day. Hopefully sooner than later. I pray that people, who became overwhelmed with ‘stuff’, find salvation. If it’s only salvation from ‘stuff’, I pray that’s the beginning of a total salvation. I pray that we reclaim the power that ‘stuff’ has over us, the power that makes us risk and give our lives, that hurts our feelings, that makes us be nice to douche-bags, to stress ourselves out and simply distracts us from God. We will have power over ‘stuff’ again.

Christmas and everyday can and will be full of Christ. And because I know better, I claim it all in the name of Jesus.

My Businesses: The Mission Statements

RuggeD Productions

          In 1994, my boys (The RuggeD Posse) wanted to BBQ. I was eager to help. It all began an initial investment of twenty dollars. For twenty dollars, I became a part of my first party crew. I was in love. That year was my introduction to what it really meant to be a part of something. I was a part of a community. I was experiencing true cooperation.

          In 1995, I decided to take that same message of community and cooperation nationwide, starting with LA. Since then the vehicle has changed. RuggeD Productions has shifted from high school parties to adult nightclubs to commercial and residential real estate. It has shifted from promoting to production to building. The scope has grown from one city (LA) to one country (USA) to one planet.

          Through it all the underlying message of community and cooperation has only been perfected. RuggeD Productions is about strong individuals, families, communities and nations. Through entities such as RuggeD Publishing, Sloan Enterprises LLC, RuggeD Prime, RuggeD Premium and RuggeD Properties, the mission is to strengthen individuals, families and ultimately our world.

          The message of community and cooperation has grown under God’s leadership. Just as a young man has grown from helping out his crew to aspirations of inspiring the world, God’s gift of love and abundance can be achieved through community and cooperation. The mission of RuggeD Productions looking forward is to help community institutions grow as God intended, abundantly by providing plans and long-term growth strategies for small businesses.

RuggeD Publishing

Somewhere along the line, I realized I could write. Further along the in the journey, I realized I had a message to share. My journey has delivered me to a place of strength, peace, and love under God’s guidance. The truth of my experience is beautiful and meant to be shared.

          RuggeD Publishing’s mission is to inspire the spirit of abundance and love within the individual. One person, one word at a time the truth will be told and God’s message will be shared.

          As in all RuggeD companies, the mission is to inspire the world. We write about growth, love, community and personal journeys.

          Abundance, cooperation and Christ-like living, one word at a time.

RuggeD Properties

         

          Since high school, I have been impressed with the spirit of community. In my travels, I realized just how valuable that spirit is. Since about 1998, real estate has become vital to the mission of abundance.

          The mission of RuggeD Property is to build communities and inspire cooperation one home at a time. RuggeD Property seeks to build, rebuild and maintain communities across America as part of RuggeD Production’s larger mission of abundance through community and cooperation.

          Community, cooperation, abundance, Christ-like living, one project at a time.

RuggeD Prime

          As RuggeD Prime, our family (business) seeks to establish a tradition of improvement. Whether it’s new developments or rebuilding/remodeling neighborhoods; whether commercial or residential, RuggeD Prime carries the RuggeD family’s message of community and cooperation along with it. RuggeD Prime is improving every community if works in, one project at a time.

          Tradition, community, cooperation, abundance and Christ-like living, one neighborhood at a time.

RuggeD Premium

          Investing is about building a legacy. Investing is about growth. It is a tool for abundance and giving. RuggeD Premium is the company that achieves that goal. RuggeD Premium builds tradition, A tradition of growth, abundance, cooperation and giving for our (RuggeD) family and all of our associated communities. RuggeD Premium is not just about building bright futures but also blessed eternities for the world family.

          Investing in growth, tradition, community, cooperation, abundance and Christ-like living, one dollar at a time.

My Mission Statement

Jason Sloan

          My mission is to build wherever it is God leads me. From my inner-self to my outer-self, my family, whichever other families see fit to include me, my community, my city, my state, my nation, and the world which I eventually create for myself, these all deserve my best and highest effort. I aim to be an asset to every institution I touch. I plan to replace old cycles of material/spiritual poverty and despair with new cycles of growth and abundance. Whether I build from scratch or improve on existing foundations, I intend to inspire abundance and growth every place I find myself.

          To inspire abundance, cooperation, Love and Christ-like living.

What I Learned In Church 12/19/11...

12/18/11

It may take a while before I get to my actual church. I’m visiting everyone else’s churches first. This week was Metro Church Calvary Chapel. A nice church. I like them smaller. I don’t want to be anonymous in a church. The pastor was a funny little man full of Love and energy. The congregation was like a big family. Real low key vibe. Cute little church in Santa Monica. I may go back.

After that, it was Masonic St’ John’s Day at Victory Baptist Church. I went with my father. Two Words, one day. And then I finally got to chop it up with my big-big sister T. Today was truly God’s day. I’m blessed to have been active in it.

So on the way to Calvary, Brandi called herself a pessimist. I said she just wanted to stay prepared for the worst case scenario. That’s not the same as expecting the worst outcome. The details are not important but we get mixed up by them. God winning in the end means you are not a pessimist. When you believe, you become an optimist. Different people get to God in different ways. But they get to God. That is all. The details (the how) is unimportant. The how is what distracts us from God. We try to control how but that's not in our power. That power is all God. Our power leads us to choose God and he takes it from there. I think God proved my point later that night.

The focus was on the coming of Jesus. After all, he is the reason…

The scriptures came from Isaiah Chapter 7 (14-17), Chapter 9 (6-7), and Luke Chapter 2 (8-20).

The Old Testament is full of Israel getting chance after chance to get it right and choose God. Then Isaiah foretells of a coming savior in the midst of Israel’s poor decision making. Then Jesus actually came to fulfill God’s promise. Unfortunately, after a million chances, a warning and fulfillment; we still don’t choose God. We prefer to stay stuck in the past. Per Pastor Steve – The Past often has to do with fathers. We may or may not have one and he may or may not be any good. But we have the fulfillment of Jesus. He came to make us all brothers and sisters and give us an everlasting Father. The everlasting Father is here now and endures forever.

So we have a choice. We can stay in our unfulfilling pasts or we can choose the brighter present and future promised us by God through Jesus.

Jesus was born to give us second birth. That we may die no more. But we still choose to die. We don’t choose God. We choose drugs. We choose stress. We choose getting older. Instead of preparing ourselves for the next step of our eternal lives we say things like “I’m seventy-five years old” as an excuse to stop living.

The time is not for excuses. It’s time to live and never stop!

Just a little FYI:

It is a myth that Jesus was poor/came from a poor family. 2 Corinthians 8:9 He was rich. He made himself poor for us. And then he handled the misinterpretation with humility. We misinterpret being born in a manger as a sign of poverty but it's OK. It still serves God. (Some details are not important to serving God)


(St. Johns Day)

The word came from Proverbs 3:1-6, Luke 1:26-33 and Matthew 1:18.

We get focused on Stuff so much during this time that we forget Jesus was not about Stuff. He came to change us. Not to change the law, but for us to grow past our current conditions to something better.

THIS is a season of change. Let the coming of Jesus represent the fulfillment of God's prophecy. New births and youth should remind us of the fulfillment of dreams and plans to honor God's word. And the word is Love. Bless and encourage change and growth EVEN and especially if it threatens traditions. There is only one tradition worth saving, Jesus' tradition of Love.

Mary reminded Pastor of the Unmarried Pregnant Black Teenaged Girl which, by the way, is becoming rarer. According to USA Today, from 2009 to 2010 there was a 9% drop in unplanned pregnancies among 15-19 year olds. Thank God and praise His name.

A few young people still get sidetracked. They end up missing out on their education, settling for any job and anybody. Some of us got side tracked. Some of us did some sidetracking. We all “made the best of it”. We were still trapped in a life we weren’t prepared for.

If we really cared about each other, as well as ourselves, we would not want to lock each other up. We would stop using tricks to sidetrack each other.

Because we choose God, we don’t focus on the past. No blame. We just don’t do sidetracking anymore. And if we have already sidetracked/been sidetracked, we stop. We DO building. We DO choose God. We DO what Jesus would have us do. We Love.

What I Learned In Church 12/11/11

What I Learned In Church 12/11/11

Let me start by thanking God for forgiving me for making my obstacles bigger than Him. Thank God for Your undying Love.

            This past Sunday I was at Triangular. I grew up there, as well as in other churches. I am just now though learning and understanding the philosophy of this particular church, just as I am coming into a fuller understanding of the Love of Jesus.

            Before we begin, let me share a few thoughts and announcements:

• Another day older but more so infinitely more mature.
• The Question of the Day was designed to show how we sometimes make man into idols and put men before God. I forgot, though, to ban preacher men from answering the question. (Thanks George!)
• Have you tried Jesus? Seriously!
  We have truly tried everything. All that IS left is choosing Jesus.
  That doesn't mean voting for a Crazy conservative next November. That means choosing Love now and letting that light shine everyday until November and beyond. This country and this world need and deserve your Love now and forever. Start with your self and watch it spread through your family to the world. Keep building. Keep growing. Never, not for one second, stop Loving. Choose Jesus from now on!
• We are Love so look for US everywhere.
• Keep on being a bright light; don't be a dim light.
  
  

And now the Word:

So, by his own words, Eddie Long's church is in jeopardy. Where Is The Healing? The healing is going on now. The people are leaving because they are supposed to. Revenues are down because they are supposed to be down. Eddie Long ("My church is in jeopardy") It is. But not The Church. Brick and mortar is in jeopardy all over because we've been choosing buildings and not God. God is clearing out the rift raft so we can choose Him and not idols. 

Healing is taking away obstructions between you and God. Obstructions are not just obvious sins like adultery or homosexuality or lying. Obstructions are making yourself, your life, your church and your problems bigger than the Real Church.

God is working with New Birth. In Matthew Chapter 9 Jesus first forgave the palsied man his sins so he could be healed. Then he told the man to rise and take his bed and go home. I’m sure Eddie Long asked for and was given forgiveness long ago. He and New Birth are still being healed. This is a specific process.

Healing is a process specifically for the individual. If you have someone to forgive, there is a healing process just for you. Remember the 7/70 plan (Matthew 18:20-22 - forgive him seven times seventy) It's not about being able to feel good It's about being able to do better. To Love better!

Attacking Eddie Long won't fix the problem. And forgiveness is not giving him a pass. Forgiveness is seeking and waiting till we find healing for Eddie Long and the church AND his accusers. The Church WILL get better. That may or may not
Include New Birth but The Church will be better.

"Pick[ing] up your bed" is taking dominion over your life. That bed was that mans life. Control that which has been controlling you. If it’s drugs, sex, lying, eating, did I say sex? Don’t play with it or let it play with you. No matter what it is, remember the Bible has a happy ending. Seek forgiveness and allow God to heal you. It’s a process. Go through it. God wins in the end. Despite how it looks now, God is working towards the best. Get on His team.

It’s funny. As soon as I heard Reverend Greg say Eddie Long. I said to myself – Awwwww man! More of that bull! But God uses everyone to shine his light. As we look to New Birth and pray for healing for that church, we should see God working in our lives to heal us as well. We should remember to remain patient and long suffering as we go through all that we must to be healed.

We’ll end with a special prayer for my Brother's Brother. Thank God for his healing hands.

Letter to Jay-Z, Willie Lynch , Daddy and Everyone Else Who Ruined My Life

Letter to Jay-Z, Willie Lynch (click for the original letter), Daddy and Everyone Else Who Ruined My Life

This is a shout out to the assholes, a toast to the douche bags, and cheers to all the scum buckets.

You are no longer powerful in my life. In fact you are no longer a part of my life at all. You are on your own kiddos. For your sake I hope you can live on your own, you parasitic leeches. I am assuming full responsibility for my life from now on. I have established my independence from your our relationship.

I must admit I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to live with you as a crutch. Just imagining being responsible for my own actions without anyone else to blame seemed inconceivable. Then one day I tried it.

It was wonderful.

It was everything everyone always tried to tell me and so much more. More! This is living! Real living. The truth. The gospel according to Rhonda Byrne.

I’m free. I’m above all the hating and haters. And because of that, I have absolutely no need for scapegoats. There is no one to blame for my life but me.

So this is the break up letter to Jay-Z, Willie Lynch, Daddy, The Police, Some Snitches and everyone else who ruined my life up until now:

It’s not your fault. It was no one’s fault. I take full responsibility for where I am in my life. That means the past does not matter anymore. The only thing that matters is what I do from now on.

That means I forgive you all. I forgive you Jay-Z for killing Tupac and Biggie and/or taking over their spots at the top of the rap game. You almost ruined my life by doing so. I do enjoy your flows but every once in a while I miss Tupac. And someone must be responsible for that void in my life.

Then you went and joined the illuminati. (What ever that is) I saw some pot-head on YouTube explaining how you were in a secret society and that meant it wasn’t the fact that I kept showing up to interviews two-hours late and drunk that was to blame for my lack of a job. It was you and the illuminati. Unfortunately, there wasn’t an illuminati box on my welfare application so I was denied. That was your fault too.

I forgive you Willie Lynch, whoever you are. Until I heard about you, I thought my cousins kept stealing from me and lying about it because they were just bad people. But no, it was you, Willie. You made them do it. And when I turned my back on all my family it wasn’t either of our faults, it was you, Willie. I was just about to thank you for clearing all that up but after we reconciled and I explained and showed them all your letter, my family got into a huge slapping melee. Slap, slap, slap…  My head still hurts at random times behind that.

I forgive Daddy for hooking up with my mom. She is kinda fine, so I understand why you had to hit that. And then, I know she’s hard to deal with. So hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. And I get it. You hardly ever have any money now (because of Jay-Z and Willie Lynch) so I know there was no way to expect you to buy rubbers back then. So here I am. And here you are, so broke you can’t even afford to spend time with me. No worries! I’ll just get my drink on and do some gang bangin’ cuz.

I also forgive you, The Police, for your constant harassment of me. You got all these rules like you’re concerned for my welfare or something. Always trying to look for my weed. I forgive you for taking me to jail instead of listening to my sob stories. Even though I knew I was telling you an original lie, you showed me I was only lying to myself. I forgive you for that too. I wasn’t ready for no dramatic self-realization.

Since I forgive you all, you are no longer as necessary in my life. I will go one listening to your music like you were any other musician. You no longer have the power to brainwash me and make me act real niggerish when I find myself in Paris. I will no longer be a slave to capitalism. I will no longer allow myself to use and be used by my own family. I am no longer lost and empty, trying to fill the voids in my life with liquor and fake relationships. I love you all. I may even start obeying the law now that I see those rules weren’t made just to pick on me.

So, in the spirit of appreciation and not that of regret, thank you. It was nice knowing you all. If we are in each other’s lives beyond this point, our relationships will be entirely different. No more blame games. You will merely be a talented rapper/businessman, a desperate example of the worst of the free market, a loving family member, my community protector and just some guys who talk too much and you will either be in my life or not and it won’t change me one bit.

I love you all but you are no longer in charge of my life. I don’t have that much time for you anymore. I will from now on be too busy living. Period.

Goodbye. Good luck with ALL your bullshit.

FYI – I do believe Jay-Z is a good rapper/businessman. I have a good relationship with my father; he is in fact one of my best friends.

On amore serious note, it is my duty to inform all that while your life may have some huge problems, there is no one to blame but yourself. And I wouldn’t even suggest giving your self a hard time about it. I write an adult blog and I expect to be talking to only adults. So I can say, as adults, we are all responsible for ourselves. One of the main parts of being responsible means living without excuses.

There is so much I can say about excuses. In short, living without excuses means we will not be conspiracy theorists anymore. I don’t believe in coincidence. But that doesn’t mean correlation or causation. There was no Willie Lynch and even if there was, his life has nothing to do with your current laziness. You’re just lazy. No one forced any of my family members to be assholes, they just are.

The police and snitches get paid to find, catch and tell on people when they are doing wrong. You are doing wrong. If you chose to stop doing wrong, the police would be no more than direction givers and traffic directors. But you choose to do wrong so your life reflects that choice and ALL that comes with it. Your absentee parent is not a ninja who sneak s into your bedroom and steals all your rubbers, forcing you to become a naked-dicker. You just are.

You chose this life so far and you are free to choose otherwise as soon as you let other people stop driving.

Take control of your life and stop blaming others. I believe in a mighty God. He is so much bigger than racism, sexism, capitalism, haterism, Hovism, tattle-tale-ism or any other –ism you can come up with.

For every excuse/conspiracy you can come up with, I have one answer. Choice. You can choose God or the bullshit. Take your pick.