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Tuesday, January 24, 2012

F**k Joe Paterno: What About The Children?


What About The Children?


That wasn’t my first response to hearing about his passing away…

Penn State football was probably keeping Joe Paterno alive. It gets kind of rough there. He was responsible for his own actions that led to his being fired. So, in a way, he killed his self. That in itself is a sad thought.

Let’s get a little darker.

Fuck Joe Paterno.
            Somewhere along the line we got distracted. Again! A child’s innocence was stolen by a monster. Again! We are paying attention to the wrong stuff. Again!
            This young lady is in a lot of pain. She was a victim. And, just like now, when it happened to her, the ‘adults’ were too busy discussing everything else. We got distracted by Joe Paterno and whether he would be charged. Should he have been fired? Before that it was Eddie Long and the church. What’s going to happen to New Birth? Is he going to stay on or step aside? Before that it was the musical chairs in the Catholic Church.
This whole time, all these years, people have been suffering. While we were discussing everything else, we were missing an opportunity for healing. Focusing on the devils and demons walking around, we are overlooking the people who need us the most.
This young lady reminded me. The most important thing going on is that there are people who need our Love. This young lady needs our Love. Four young men in Atlanta need our Love. Countless other young men and women need Love.

Some may try to passive aggressively turn the attention back to the children but this young lady’s blog made me realize that the time has passed for passive-aggressive suggestions. Fuck Joe Paterno. Fuck Eddie Long. Fuck all those priests. They don’t deserve our attention. Our Love is needed by children and adults all over the world.
This is a hard topic to deal with but that is the very reason why we can’t afford to tip toe around the issue. We must protect children. And when we fail, we must not ignore the hard work of healing. Fuck anybody who will attempt to distract us from our children when they need us the most.
Thank God for this young lady speaking up and reminding me that we have gotten WAY of track. It’s not too late. It’s never too late to LOVE.

Love!

The Tebow Problem





I think it’s all calmed down now. I can speak the truth about a problem that is plaguing America. The problem is “Tebowing”
            It’s not Tim Tebow. In fact, none of this is his fault no matter how much we want it to be. Oh the “church people” have been waiting for Tim Tebow for years and years.
           
I just figured out that Tebowing was praying. So people are so afraid to even say praying, they made up a stupid word. I know speaking directly about God is taboo but this is ridiculous. It’s called praying! Enough is enough.

            Thank God I question everything, even Him. I wasn’t buying Tebow at Florida. Mostly, because I’m an SC fan but also because it seems fake for someone to be so positive, I had my doubts. I was certain he wouldn’t make it in the NFL. He was too small. He wasn’t accurate enough. His arm wasn’t big enough.
But Tim Tebow is serious. He is real. He’s accomplished a lot. That is his faith. That is God. I still don’t like Denver but Tim Tebow is here to stay and so is his faith. HIS FAITH!!!

            Attention band-wagon riders, hipsters, followers, bloggers and twits: Tim Tebow is not taking you to heaven with him. He will not pray over your parlay ticket. Denver is not a safe bet for a Super Bowl any time soon.
            “I need Tim Tebow to pray for the Saints.” SHUT UP!
            God is not a football fan. In fact, if Tim Tebow’s parents did it right, he’s not even praying over the game while on his knees. He’s praying for your souls. Tim Tebow is a living, walking, talking running John3:16 sign. Photobucket
           

The problem with “Tebowing” is that the couch potatoes will get even lazier, spiritually. Photobucket

NOOOOOO My brother! You got to get your own Jesus. Riding on Tebow’s jock is not how it works.

Allow Tim Tebow to inspire us to new levels of faith separate from football. Let Tim Tebow inspire you to be a fan of God. Know more than John 3:16. Read the whole chapter. One day read the book of John. Another time read the entire Bible. But do something soon. And do it on your own.
            Don’t use Tim Tebow to test the water. He got his groove. The water is fine (FOR HIM) and soon he’ll be gone without you…

Be careful of being manipulated into complacency.

"Most evangelicals, like most Americans, don’t show up to the voting booth at all. Their political commitments are not nearly as strong as their faith commitments.”

God’squarterbacks: Click to read article


In an election, who does that favor? It IS an election year BTW! Not the time to be manipulated. This year is huge. It’s time to choose.

I’m sure Tim Tebow is praying you don’t choose him. He’s praying you choose God.

Monday, January 23, 2012

What I Learned in Church: 1/22/12



Let us pray:

            Forgive me for not seeing/seeking You in everyone. I’ve been distracted by dysfunction. I praise Your name to the highest heavens for giving me one more chance. Thank You for never changing, even when I did.
            Specifically, I got scared to be the man You spent all this time molding me into. I made some early mistakes. I released my passion and unleased the pimp hand physically and verbally. I don’t know if it was my time to act but I know it scared me into distraction and inactivity.
            My prayer is that those I have chosen as my family, will receive your humble ways through my humiliation. Let them see the true meaning of giving. Shw them through my constant humiliation the ultimate gift is self. Give up self. THAT is Christianity! Giving it all away. IT is ego. Give yourself away.

Show us how to give away our feelings, give away our understanding, give away our stuff, our pasts. And when we are stubborn, take it away. We will count it as a blessing. Forgive us and show us how to forgive ourselves. Help us let go of our baggage so we can receive your bounty.
            In Jesus’ name…

Our youth pastor began the sermon. He touched Isaiah 50:4, Psalms 127:3-5, Matthew 18:2-5, Psalms 82, Proverbs 22:6; 6:1, Philippians 4:13, and Leviticus 19:32. The overall message was to stay encouraged on this journey that is your relationship with God. Always stay focused on understanding, pathways and instruction.  “Reach for heaven. Heaven is farther than the stars.”

Then came the charge from the senior pastor:
            Ecclesiastes 12, after we’ve seen it all and realize it’s all vanity, we don’t take any more pleasure in the things we used to do. So…
            “Remember GOD now!”
            We don’t have time to be distracted for even a second. We especially don’t have time to only think about being good on twice a week (Bible Study and Worship day). Hell, we don’t even have time for the morning/bedtime gap. You know how it is. We wake up praising God for giving us one more day. We end the day asking for forgiveness and one more chance to get it right. In between, we miss plenty of opportunities to remember God.
            The church (in every generation) is going to be held accountable for certain things. [ie. money, inventions, music]. The religious tradition is to run these things out of church. The church has to be ready to receive. In James 5:20 we get the picture that He is saving us so we can get to someone else. We go through stuff so that other can see there IS a way out. (Realize I said ‘go through’ not ‘stay stuck’ in stuff.)
            A lot of us have gotten so into doctrine that we try to take control from God. Let God handle the discipline. We just have to be the beacon. Let his light shine through us and our journey.
            Tradition and doctrine have made us lazy. GET UP!!! We used to walk everywhere. Then we get cars and get too tired to drive to church. Hell, we get to tired to drive around the corner let alone walk. WALK? I know I’m talking crazy!
            The bottom line is right now is a serious time to get it in. and it’s not about 2012, the economy, the election, Al Queda, Iran or anything like that. Virtually everyone knows all there is to know about right and wrong. We are and will continue to be held accountable for ALL that we know. If you know better and ain’t doing it…

…just don’t try to block me on my way to glory…
[Talk about Blocks!]

PG-13 And The Death Of Movies!!!

            I almost missed it. The very man who produced and co-wrote the film responsible for the introduction of the PG-13 film rating is executive producer on Red Tails. And this discussion on Red Tails’ shortcomings brought me back to this blog I started nearly a year ago. PG-13 is one part of what is killing the entertainment industry. It’s not piracy. Piracy is so much lower than lack of creativity, reality television and PG-13 (among other things).
            So while  a few of my friends were discussing George Lucas’ latest non-Oscar film, his connection to the debacle that his PG-13 became a little more clear and then another friend posted this:

Over the weekend Redtails was number one on my agenda however, I was able to get in this movie Joyful noise which is rated PG13. Most parents think PG13 is a safe movie for their kids to watch, not necessarily true with this movie. I decided to look up what does PG13 really mean? here's the definition: PG-13 means that the MPAA board thinks that the film is okay for kids over 13, but that parents are strongly urged to make their own decisions as to whether the movie will be appropriate for younger children. Oral or written permissions are not required by theaters for PG-13 films, as this is a “guidance only” situation. 

I thought the movie had entirely too much profanity, so much so that a parent gathered her children up and headed for the exit. I enjoyed the movie and thought it was quite funny but some scenes were inappropriate for kids under the age of 16 years old. Just my take on this movie. 

No problem! Again it's based on the parents discretion, I had my 15,12,& 13 year old cousins with me and we had a talk with them after the movie to let them know not to get any ideas from that movie. KeKe Palmer's character developed a relationship with a guy in the movie and some scenes (trying not to tell the movie) were somewhat pushing it. Some parents may think my analysis is a bit much, but I say that's whats wrong with kids today, parents being too relaxed on things the their kids are exposed to. They continued to use the word "Bitch" and even so much so where KeKe Plamer's character used it when speaking to her own mother.


Thanks for the heads up! I took the kids to see Red Tail this weekend which is also PG-13 and I thought it was pushing my limit on what I'll allow for my kids but the story and the historical significance overshadowed the damns and craps, for us at least. WARNING, they did say the N word once...that almost had me walking out but we stayed and I'm glad we did because it started a long dialogue on the ride home.
FYI the site www.dove.org is a great resource for parents to review movies before they take their kids. It lists in detail all foul language, sexual scenes/inuendos, violence, and drug stuff.


            In 1984 the MPAA ratings were:
§  Rated G: General Audiences — All Ages Admitted.
§  Rated PG: Parental Guidance Suggested — Some Material May Not be Suitable for Pre-Teenagers.
§  Rated R: Restricted — Under 17 Requires Accompanying Parent or Adult Guardian.
§  Rated X: No One Under 17 Admitted.

Notice the wording of Rated PG? Pre-Teenagers are under 13. Was there even a need for a PG-13 rating? Not for parents. But there were some complaints about Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Photobucket Steven Spielberg led the lobbying that resulted in the new PG-13 rating.
Rated PG-13: Parents Are Strongly Cautioned to Give Special Guidance for Attendance of Children Under 13 – Some Material may be Inappropriate for Children Under 13.


In 1986, the PG-13 rating’s wording was changed to: Parents Strongly Cautioned – Some Material May be Inappropriate for Children Under 13
Seem familiar? So why the need?


The answer is simple. The Motion Pictures Producers and Distributors Association (MPPDA), which later became the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) realized that a vital consumer group was being ignored. The fact is teenagers go to the movies. That is the original teenaged date. Teenagers want to go see decent movies they may or may not pay attention to alone. So, just like pop-music, PG-13 was for the teenagers.
The very way in which PG-13 was introduced shows that the film industry was attempting to create a new niche specifically for the teenage market. PG-13 has been misunderstood to include teenagers.
The truth is there was too large a gap between PG and R. As long as a few parents agree to send their teenage children to the movies unsupervised, the language is loose enough that ALL theaters will sell tickets to PG-13 movies to anyone. So PG-13 is the pop category of film making.
Notice that Oscar Films are mostly rated R. The best films are usually the ones where the film makers are not concerned with box office receipts and only with telling a story. Even The King’s Speech was rated R.
Some may have noticed an onslaught of bad movies from 2009 to 2011. That would have to do with the one of the adjustments Hollywood made to make money in spite of the WGA strike of 2007-2008. Movies that would have been rated R or even just more well written were rushed and slapped with a PG-13 rating to bring more people into the theaters. Movies theaters tried to pretend they had an abundance of scripts lying around so they weren't affected by the strike. I know better. That pile of scripts existed before 2007 and there was a reason they weren't made into films then. Now because there is nothing new being created those films are good enough to be made? Bullshit. Photobucket

The bullshit is PG-13. The motion picture producers, distributors and theater owners got together and took over the movie rating system to help themselves. By their own admission, censoring films bothered them. To make everyone happy they made the ratings system “easier”. It was never intended as anything more than a guide.
   PG-13 places larger responsibilities on parents for their children's movie-going.  The voluntary rating system is not a surrogate parent, nor should it be.  It cannot, and should not, insert itself in family decisions that only parents can, and should, make.  Its purpose is to give prescreening advance informational warnings, so that parents can form their own judgments.  PG-13 is designed to make these parental decisions easier for those films between PG and R.” – Jack Valenti


The responsibility has always been upon the parent when it comes to children. When it comes to movies, the responsibility is upon the consumers. As consumers, it’s up to us to reject crap films and embrace good movies.
PG-13 is nothing more than a marketing tool. We all know the entertainment industry is not interested in raising our children. They are interested in raising profits to their own detriment. It’s a vicious cycle. The movie industry made the PG-13 rating in order to sell more tickets. The over use of PG-13 makes films seem inauthentic and sub-par. The audience doesn’t want to be bother with these half-assed films. So the industry sees declines in sales. The answer? More PG-13 films!
What can we do? Demand quality. Don’t settle for PG-13. Let children get exposed to movies the way I did, by sneaking in. (I bought a ticket MPAA!)



Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Inter-racial Dating: Why does it bother you?


I’m pro-choice. I’m also pro-keep it too yourself. I’m mostly pro truth. Choose either way you want, just be honest about why. In discussing the matter with friends, the question of motivation always comes up in the inter-racial dating discussion.
            I went to Facebook for answers. One interesting comment says: I really don't know how I feel? cause if my dad didn't date my mom I wouldn't be here...my kids wouldn't be here. I guess whats bothering me now is the last 2 relationships i have been in and I am currently still in the last one...both men were MARRIED (but divorced when i dated them) to White women!!! i have always felt love is love but i am finding myself irritated at the site of Black men with White women. But i don't know why...

            (I am finding myself irritated at the [sight] of Black men with White women. But I don’t know why…)
            Neither do I. And I think that bothers us all the most.

            In this age of uncertainties and ever increasing insecurities, we find solace in pointing out each other’s short comings. Misery loves company. We also want someone to blame for our struggles. Racism is dead but people are still broke and it must be someone’s fault. Now, the former victims of racism are getting into the blame game.
            Among Black people, it’s easier to blame White men/women for our already damaged gender roles. Among ALL Americans, it’s always someone else who has the money. And so, inter-racial dating becomes about money and politics as well.
             
Main thing I would say is unless your an ultra rich White person or an old White republican type that thinks they're rich being White is a wrap! Interacial dating is in all cultures!!! As we Black "African" descendants break up these stereo types all the women in the world are realizing that the Black Man is the shit!!!!! This has opened up interacial dating doors for races of all kind!!! Love and Marriage is very Hardwork!!! I applaud everyone giving an honest God-Love relationship no matter race creed or color!!! P.S. These pink toes wit Donks is Killin some of these sisters I ain't mad at brothas chasin them bubbles!!!!

            And of course, there are ‘The Bubbles”. The phenomena of White girls with ass is growing and creating more than a little confusion. I’m talking about REAL cheeks, not those Britney Spears implants. (Give it up Britney. We know.)
            Some A lot of stereotypes are being turned up on their heads. The Bubbles are just two things that have changed. Not only is “being White a wrap” but so is being anything else. Black English, Ebonics, talking White, AND the valley girl dialects are dying thanks to the internet and free long distance.

The bottom line is -   love is love. color shouldnt matter.
            The problem we have with inter-racial dating is that we (America) haven’t figured out what Love is. The thought that someone else has it figured out and that it doesn’t have anything to do with all or any of our preconceived notions is unsettling. We feel it when look at same race couples. Everyone hates PDAs that aren’t us. No one wants any couples in their faces with all that cute shit.
It’s just that we have no excuse for hating on the same race couples. In our blame game society, we can find a ton of reasons why inter-racial dating bothers us. Racism is dead (The Blog @ What I Learned…) but we will beat that dead horse and use the glue to keep on releasing ourselves from facing our own inadequacies.
Who we should consider are the couples who have looked beyond stereotypes and found Love. They inspire us to do something difficult and that’s change. And that change is made even more difficult because it’s our perspectives we have to change. Seeing someone happy shouldn’t bother us no matter what race the people are.
On the other side of the coin, there are those who choose to date outside their race to cover up for inadequacies. There are “color struck” people in all races. And they play the blame game like everyone else. They get tired of how someone in their family or culture treated them and turn their backs on their race.
In Las Vegas, I found myself in the company of quite a few White girls who had never dated White boys or even considered it. I noticed a correlation between these girls’ dating preferences and the absence of their fathers. Of course, having a lot of Black friends, I have had a few who mysteriously only dated the lightest skinned Black girls and eventually Latina and White girls. Both these White girls and my friends have in common is a motivation to disregard mates of the same race along with a refusal to discuss those same motivations.
We may never know the true motivations of these individuals. Anyone who is not honest about their motivations is not operating in Love. These people may be the minority when it comes to inter-racial couples. Because of that, we shouldn’t consider these people at all when it comes to dating. These people should not be dating within or without their race.
Although these may be the minority, these need our Love. If we are also lost and unfulfilled then we can’t help. We should start with ourselves. But if we know Love, we know to give Love. Perhaps we can help others to find Love. And if we know Love, we know nothing else, especially race, matters.

Monday, January 9, 2012

What I Learned In Church: January 8

How The Catholic Church has changed!

My next Catholic visit was St. Agatha Parish. It was close to being at Our Lady of Lourdes. Only the choir was a little different and, in the South, traditions last a little longer. We used to Baptize/Renew vows on Saturday. (Who changed that?) and we used to pray/meditate in silence before service... 

SMH

 St Agatha was POPPIN before service. I didn’t know what to expect this time. But I liked the crowd. I liked the vibe. I Loved being early! So with no further ado, let’s get to the Word:

The readings were: Isaiah 60:1-6, Ephesians 3:2-3a,5-6, and Matthew 2:1-12.
Jesus' coming was foretold, Jesus came to save Gentiles and THEN the two responses to Jesus' coming/birth.

What is the Epiphany? An album by Chrisette Michelle? The manifestation of Christ? The beginnning of Christ's journey? All of the above!

Let’s just focus on the last two though. Turn to someone and say "The glory of the Lord shines in MY life, and in MY household!” Then go out and remember to make it true every day!

Rise up! The glory of the Lord is upon you. Beware of the power of words. Don't dwell and talk about the problems. Talk about the healing! “I am HEALED in Jesus' name!” The power of life and death is in the tongue and you will eat of its fruit. Proverbs 18 :21

So, declare victory.

There were two major responses to Jesus’ coming. The wise, celebrated the coming salvation. A few people were threatened. Herod killed his wives and sons for "eyeing his throne". He worked very hard to kill Jesus as well. But it was not God’s will.

Many of us say and go through the motions like we are with the wise men. But often our true actions and motivations are more like Herod. In our lives, choosing God often requires change. We get scared and even threatened by the prospect of change. Relax, chill out, God cannot be out done!

My secret weapon is that God wins. So many people have forgotten that, so sometimes the world looks a little scary. Often we are so afraid to choose God that we get stuck and, instead of making any decision at all, we end up holding baggage. Drop the baggage today. When you even think someone has something against you, go and make peace.

The point is Jesus represents newness in all our lives. We like new shoes but we don’t like new lives. Sometimes we have been doing things a certain way for so long that when a choosing God/WWJD moment comes, we reject the newness of Jesus. Proverbs 3:1-5 concludes, “Lean not onto you own understanding…”
It’s not just about reading and understanding. It’s about your perspective. In order to be truly Christ-like, there will be moments when we must give up our life, that is our perspective, and use a new one. It’s not about dissecting the Bible in order to justify living our way. It’s about dissecting the Bible in order to learn to live Jesus’ way.

Since there were no distractions this week, I’ll add my own sidenote:
(Sidenote) When you take a walk in someone else's shoes, the fact that they are not your shoes should be the first thing you recognize AND ACCEPT. We like to do it the selfish way... Cut out the toes... Shave the heels... Put an insole... 
Walk in them. You don't have to stay there but just understand what it feels like. If you want to help the owner of the shoes, help. And remember that you can only help those who want and are willing to change. Also, be aware that you may be the one who has to change and walking in someone else’s shoes may help you more than them…


What I Learned In Church: New Years Day

 For the New Year I went back to my Catholic roots. The first stop was Holy Name on Arlington and Jefferson. We walked in a little late. It was no one’s fault (Gina). We walked in on the gospel. (My father says if you make the gospel and Communion, you went to church.)

The readings were from Numbers chapter 6, Psalms 67, Galatians chapter 4 and Luke chapter 2. Sometimes you have to turn a picture sideways to get all one-thousand words. We start with God’s promise to bless Israel. Then we practice praying for God’s mercy. THEN we look back on what God gave us in Jesus’ life. We were all unable to live under the law and Jesus presented the key to our salvation. He gave his life to teach us how to Love. AND THEN we go back to His birth. The shepherds, the wise men, the magi, the priests, the scribes, indeed the entire nation of Israel and the world was waiting on something to help them in their lives. So desperate were a few that they looked to and celebrated the questionable birth of Jesus to unwed parents.
How desperate are we to get out of our situations. Would we worship a child? Would we follow a man who threw his inheritance away to travel the world with a bunch of hippies? When we are lost, do we know where to turn? When all seems lost are we willing to follow the lead of a man who couldn’t/wouldn’t stop himself from being crucified?
Looking back on all of this now, we can see the power of God but, what about today? What about right now in our very own lives? Following Jesus’ example sometimes means utter and complete humiliation. Who is willing to give up their swag/pride for a minute/day/year for God’s promise?


When we walked in, the celebrant was going off on a tangent about black Jesus. Standing in front of a huge white Jesus on a cross, the celebrant explained that a black Jesus should be in the manger. “It is racially insensitive to not have a black baby Jesus in the manger” And this was a week after Christmas. It was my first visit to Holy Name so I don’t know when they put the Christmas decorations. I do know that it seemed a little late to be discussing Christmas decorations. I’m just saying
Focus

What a show! Who says Catholic Church is boring?  The celebrant (I don't know if he was a Deacon or a Priest) was colorful. After calling white Jesus racially insensitive, he proceeded to sing with the choir, walking around the sanctuary dancing. He reminded me so much of a wino (Gina said his name is Ned-The Wino) who just wandered in and started talking and singing and dancing. I'm waiting on him to fall down and start crying.

There was a Re-Commitment Ceremony too! Father Joe reminded us that the marriage bed is undefiled and only judgment awaits the unmarried (ahem…) [Hebrews 13:4]. The couple was in their fifties. They had been married for a while. It was wonderful to see the spark still there. They had a youth to them. Most of all there was Love. Thank God they chose to share it with us all in the church.

We ran over into the Spanish mass. Bless their hearts. They just came on in. Nothing can stop God's worship. 

All in all, the message is the same as it always was. God is Love. He Loves us so much, He sent His son to show us how to Love on His level. Jesus’ example was evident in the married couple that day. God promised us the greatest blessings. The greatest blessing is Love. It’s here now all around us. We just have to remember to look for it and most of all give it.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

My New Year’s Resolution


It’s been a few days. How is every doing with their resolutions? Me? I didn’t make any. After years of making fake ones, forgetting to make any until March, making unrealistic ones, not remembering what they were after two weeks and just trying to fit in with the masses; I determined to stop bullshitting myself.
Of all the improvements and changes we want to make in our lives, how many of those are really self-centered? Are you doing these things for you or to fit in? Is it just tradition to change your life on January 1st? Is there truly something about the changing of a calendar that makes us want to change? Why didn’t we think of these things before? Or what is it about January 1st that makes it easier to do so, if it’s easier at all.

Sometime in June or July I started to question “traditions”. There is nothing wrong with tradition. I questioned a lot of things. I questioned our motivations. I questioned our priorities. I questioned the: who, what, when, where, how and why of just being ourselves. There IS something wrong with not questioning ourselves.
Within our individual spirituality, it’s much easier to fall back on dogma and doctrine than it is to deal with what’s right in front of our faces.  What’s right in front of us is our self. Whether or not we make resolutions or any changes in our lives we have priorities that guide our decisions. Those priorities should be controlled by us but if we remain afraid to address our self, then our priorities are controlled by a myriad of outside forces: tradition, emotion, other people, buildings, institutions, and holidays. All things which are not bad at all except for the fact that we are being held back by something!
So many of us are so close to our breakthrough, we can taste it. We can see it. Sometimes we think we can touch it. So we reach but there’s that something. All those outside forces can become that something if we don’t deal with our selves. Many of us have all the answers but none of the courage to face ourselves in the mirror and make our selves do what we know is the right thing to do.
So we turn to our outside stuff. We put our most important step off until next year. Now next year is here and tradition tells us to make some resolutions. Why not? Let’s lose some weight. Why don’t we remodel the house? Maybe it’s time to tell off all the people who’ve been getting on our nerves all year. It all sounds good.
But forgive me for asking so many questions all the time. I have to do it though. Why New Years Day? Why haven’t we made any changes before? Is October really that shitty of a month that you don’t want to make changes? Are you having too much fun in April? Why are we waiting on the calendar to tell us what to do?

One resolution I heard was something like – I resolve to stop putting up with the BS. I wish I could remember who it was. I would try to make them famous. Maybe its better I don’t remember, because one thing was missing. When are we going to stop putting up the main bull-shitter in our lives? That is, when will we stop bullshitting ourselves?
In our day to day lives, we talk a lot of shit. We talk the most shit to ourselves though. We say we want to start eating healthy for the New Year but we woke up on January 3rd (We party that hard!) hung-over. We must have fried food and A LOT of it. Lately, I’ve noticed people starting their resolutions later and later in the year. Let alone January, some people start in March.
There must be some magic to changing the calendar that allows us to be able to what we couldn’t do during the rest of the year. But if there is, how does it work. Do we need to only make certain resolutions? Do we need to make our resolutions more realistic?
I say none of that. The magic of New Years is in the myth of a fresh start. We get reminded of God’s forgiveness and our never-ending fresh starts.  We don’t have to wait for a particular calendar day to come around in order for us to make a change. All we have to do is remember that we can change. Any day!
If you have made a resolution or three this year, good luck. If you haven’t, good luck too. No matter which group you are in never forget that you can grow any day, at any time. It’s never too early or too late to take honest inventory of yourself and make some changes. Once we start learning, we don’t stop.
Never stop learning. Never stop growing. If you didn’t do so hot this season and you need another holiday to jumpstart your growth, Ash Wednesday is February 22 this year. The Lenten season is the perfect time to fast and pray for a new direction.

Either way, good luck. You can do it!

Monday, January 2, 2012

Chasing The P: Tammy & Kathryn


Chasing The P: Tammy & Kathryn

LaShawn asked a question: “Men: Do you really NOT know when a woman your boy might be interested in is really MORE interested in YOU?! Or do you really know but NOT trying to go there with her because you know your boy is feeling her? ~ He's my "Bro", she's my "Sister" crap Kills me Ortega!”

This was the short answer:
(Part 1) I kind of get what you're asking. This is just a flirting situation. She would have to shut my boy down completely for me to notice. The reason I'm ignorant of her intentions is because I'm actually ignoring her until she turns my boy down. Unless that happens, she's with him

(Part 2) It's because women won't say anything straight out. That's the point of this whole post. IF a woman just said "I like you. I don't like him" or vice-versa, men wouldn't jump to conclusions. If we have to guess, I'm erring on the side of optimism. That means whipping it out. All you can do is tell me to put it back

This was my long answer:


I owe a lot of my early love life to Anthony. In the days before we had cars, our own places, and any money at all, Anthony was the best wing man ever. If I could just match that productivity now, I’d be a trillionaire. He was on the phone tough during any free time we had and could sell ice to Eskimos.
In 1993, one of the best years ever, he called me. We had dates to the movies. He had met a girl who had a friend. (Oh those days…) “My girl” was named Kathryn. “His” was Tammy. To the Culver City we went. The Marina was to meet girls; Culver City was the low-key date movie theater.
Tammy was gorgeous. Very petite, the most beautiful face, and she dressed well. If Anthony hadn’t told me he met her already, I would have chosen her. Kathryn was beautiful too. She had a nice figure, cute face, and her accent was attractive. She was American, Black, from Los Angeles but she spoke so different. She was cool.
Anthony had given me the rundown. Both were: private school girls (different private schools), best friends, lived down the street from each other.
For almost two years, Tammy and Kathryn were our main dates. I was getting serious about Kathryn but things moved slowly. Kathryn couldn't have boyfriends and she didn’t always get to come out. That became a big problem and eventually the end of Kathryn and I.
Tammy, however, was the focal point of all our kicking it. She had other friends and would invite them if Kathryn couldn't make it. She and Anthony’s relationship was strange. According to him, she had a boyfriend she wasn't faithful to. She spent A LOT of time with us though. Her mom loved me. Most parents did then. I was the master of the living room.
I didn't think of it then but Anthony shared a little too much about their relationship. It occurred to me that I knew too much about some P that I wasn't getting and would probably never get. All that mattered was Tammy was cool and she had friends. AND we had something to do nearly all the time. I could always ask Anthony to call Tammy to get it popping if Chasing the P elsewhere wasn't going well. Over the years I've had a ton of homegirls. Tammy may have been my first real homegirl.
Homegirls are essential to Chasing the P. A good one has plenty of satellite friends that you can hook up with. Unfortunately, I got out of hand with Chasing the P one night or twice when Kathryn wasn't able to come out. Her name was Sheri. She appeared to be the perfect satellite friend. Anthony told me she was easy and Tammy told me she wouldn’t tell so I went for it. That was end Kathryn. For a month or two I was so sad/mad at myself, I actually started listening to R&B for more than making sex tapes. I realized what Babyface was talking about.
Fortunately, Tammy kept in touch for five more years. She would call every once in a while. I wanted to call her but I intentionally ‘forgot’ her number out of respect for whatever she had going on with Anthony. There are rules to Chasing the P. Tammy was awesome and she still had friends. After high school, I wasn't playing any games. All of my networking was connected in some way to Chasing the P. Anthony rarely mentioned Tammy anymore. I definitely looked forward to her calls. Initially, I wanted to fish for news of Kathryn but, soon, I just wanted to talk to Tammy.
By the time we were twenty Anthony and I were growing apart. We had different friends and priorities. We were still talking and hanging out when I mentioned seeing Tammy on the street one day. Anthony told me she had a boyfriend and had ended their sexual relationship. Now, I wished I remembered Tammy’s number. I don’t do my boy’s left-overs but Tammy was different. I wanted to know everything. There was only one way to find out.
A few weeks or a few months later, Tammy called. For the first time ever, she mentioned her and Anthony’s relationship. She only said that he was acting strange and didn’t talk to her that often. After all these years, I assumed I could speak frankly. Plus, L.A. was being born. I just told the truth as I knew it, as subtly as a dump truck…
“That’s because yall ain't fucking no more.”
“WHAT???”

I repeated.
What happened in the next five/ten minutes was the above story from Tammy’s perspective. There were some MAJOR differences.

Contrary to Anthony’ story, the day I met Tammy was EVERYONE’s first time meeting. She hoped I was Anthony, she confessed. She had always considered Anthony just a homeboy. There was no sex of any type going on between the two. I asked about instances where he would maneuver her to her bedroom. She claimed they were talking about some other girl he was supposed to be dating.
So many things started to make sense, like why Anthony never made her a main girl when she was the finest thing he ever shook hands with. I was about to ask more questions, like if she ever actually had an STD. (Maybe I WAS naive. I just didn't see a reason for my best friend to lie to me.) I was too overwhelmed by those first few revelations. I completely forgot my mission to find out everything.
What proceeded afterwards was a bunch of lies and misdirection. At the end of it all, I wouldn’t talk to Tammy for many years. A few months later, neither would I talk to Anthony.
After that, it was hard to trust my “friends” when it came to women. And I don’t want to hear any of it when it comes to someone (Anyone) else’s sex lives. Even when it comes to counseling, friends are encouraged to spare me the details.

The most important realization came much, much later. I listened to Babyface so much after the Kathryn episode that “For The Cool In You” (the album) still takes me back. I was listening to ‘When Can I see You Again’ and it all came back. I would usually turn Babyface off when nostalgia started coming. This time I let it come. The whole story flashed through my head and I finally got it. Tammy liked me. For the first time, I listened to Babyface for a girl I never dated…
It took years for the day to come when I got it. By then it was too late.


At the end of it all, it hurt more to lose Tammy than it did to lose Kathryn, and not because of the satellite friends. She meant a lot to me. And I never told her. I still wish it was her instead of Kathryn. 



So no, LaShawn, men don’t know when a woman is more interested in them than their friend and  we don’t want to go there out of respect for our friends, even if our friends don’t extend the same respect. It may take years if we ever do realize it. And by then, it’ll be too late.