Step 8

I may never fully submit to the rules of AA but they are on to something. Their system of recovery and support is a marvel of simplicity. Like many, many religions, for others, it works. Why ask why? No need to rock the boat. And they are not at all pushy about it. Got to love an ideology that’s not all up in your face.

I have my own higher power and he led me to a freedom similar, if not greater, to that found with AA. I can never give up power to any earthly thing. That only put me at odds with Step one. Then I read A Hunger For Healing. Let’s just say I can’t live in the flesh anymore so I submit to my higher power. In fact, within my own spiritual journey, I am working all the steps. Plus I’m writing a book. (Plug!)

Right now, I want to focus on steps eight, nine and twelve. I’ve been thinking about the people I’ve hurt.

One in particular, stands out. Twice, my actions have caused great hurt to my friend in a way I vowed never to do very early in our relationship. Only now do I realize the devastating harm I have caused by going back on my word. After all this time I pray my friend can forgive me and allow me to make amends.

As a result of my new awakening, I must share with others so they can avoid situations like this. And if they have been in situations like this, hopefully they can make amends. Likewise, I am doing this in order to make my own amends with all parties involved. If I am lucky, they will allow me to do so.



The following is background and apology…



It was fall of 2000 or spring 2001. My mojo was blazing. I was in New Orleans. Part time student, full time party animal. The House was off the chain. The rules were simple. You cross the threshold, you have a shot. Tuesday, Sunday, Wednesday, Day or Night, studying or time for work, it didn’t matter. You obey the rules. The House even had a room specifically designated for fucking. It was called – wait for it…

The Fuck Room! The Fuck Room had it’s rules posted on the door.

This was my life. School became what I did between the last party and the next.

One day I decided to go to a poetry reading. I wrote poetry. I wanted to assess the quality of my fellow poets.

That night I fell in lust. A goddess approached the mic. I had seen her before. She was an earth chick, somewhere between Erykah Badu and Jill Scott but finer. Her long flowing skirts, head wraps and beautiful face was enough. Then she spoke. Her voice was poetic, lyrical, sultry, southern, rhythmic and just lovely. Her words were deep, sexy, intensely sexual, spiritual and moving. And her name was –


-Lovely.
I had to have her.

I quickly did my stalking AKA info-gathering thing. It was serendipity. She was friends with a friend of mine. My friend knew me and how I rolled. And my friend was cool. I knew she would hook it up.

One day after Lovely had just walked away from my friend. I hurried to my friend and delivered my now classic line. I cannot share the line. It is too powerful and dangerous in the wrong hands. All I can say is that, most of the time, it works all the time.

Two days later. I got a call from Lovely. The line worked. It’s a conversation piece so we conversated. I was charming in my most Sinatra-ish way, martini glass in hand and all. RIP killer!

She was a real winner. While I was having my way with words, she was enchanting me further. I talked some shit. She backed it up and then some! She had to come to The House – ‘mmediately! Right now! I mean then. (Now that I’m writing this, and remembering things, I mean now too! Right now!)

She came – straight to my room. I had to see what she was talking about. I saw. Wow! Goddess! Soft, Wet, Firm, I can’t say more. Everything was perfect.



Except me.



Let’s just say I had crossed the threshold of The House (see above) quite a few times that day. While it had never been a problem before, I would find soon out just how much of a problem it could be. Very soon.

It was over before it started. For me. For real over! There was nothing poetic, sexy, sultry or rhythmic about it. My pump number was broken. Badly. It was devastating. I would have been demoralized then if she hadn’t given me another shot. (As bas as it was, I needed fifty more shots) She gave me one. She would be back. I went to the kitchen and crossed the threshold one more time (or three).

I was re-demoralized. She came back. She saw The Fuck Room sign. It was another conversation piece. We talked. I touched. We were ready. I was done.

That made TWICE! TWICE! I was in my early twenties and already I had broken my promise. Devastatingly so. I let a goddess walk into and out of my life WAY too quickly. WAYYYY too quickly. SMH

I just drank it off. It may not have happened ever again. (What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas) but this…

This was just too premature. I never thought anything like this would happen this early. I just hope it’s not too late to apologize.

I would like to apologize to for breaking my promise. I said it would never happen and I did it to you twice. It was all my fault. My debauchery caused you to suffer. For that I am truly sorry. If you allow me and if I still have my way with words I will make amends.

I am sober. I am stronger. I got my sexy back. The only thing left is to officially say – Penis, I apologize from the bottom of my heart for gving you The Drunk Dick.



If you and all parties involved are willing, I am totally prepared to make amends…




Macbeth Act 2 Scene 3 “Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes; it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance: therefore, much drink may be said to be an equivocator with lechery: it makes him, and it mars him; it sets him on, and it takes him off; it persuades him, and disheartens him; makes him stand to, and not stand to; in conclusion, equivocates him in a sleep, and, giving him the lie, leaves him.”

[Drunk Dick is serious (not as serious as Drunk Pussy) If you or anyone you know suffers from Drunk Dick immediately admit your shortcomings. Repent, seek forgiveness and do your best to make amends as soon as possible. The sooner the better.]

This is in no way endorsed by AA. I respect AA and all the work it’s done. Alcoholism is serious. If you are over 30 and still partying like a rock star (Charlie Sheen), get help. AA may be the place for you. They’re ready when you are.

STEP 8 – DRUNK DICK

What I learned in Miami: A Few Things About Me

Current mood: optimistic
Category: Life

Just a few things about me

On my trip to Miami this weekend I learned a few things about my self. It makes sense to me to share sense some of my readers are here on the pretense of getting to know me. (It may help some of my friends as well.) So here it is:

I'll never tell
I know I promised to share some of the things that have been going on with me lately regardless of who is involved and what comes of it. The real problem with that is I have never been one to talk about other people. I can speak in general terms but I cannot mention specific names and situations. My friends will remember that in all my stories I only refer to people as "the homie", or "this girl" or some "relative." No names, no dates, nothing that will connect any person to their specific story. The reasons are twofold. One is, I don't anyone ever speaking about me by name. I know that people do, but I would prefer if they didn't. The legend of "LA" is too big for me to ever dream of living up to it or living it down. The other reason is, I imagine my friends meeting each other one day. I don't want to be the one to influence first impressions. Even if the impression is good, it's better that people make their own impressions on each other. I don't want them to have to live up to or live down anything that someone else said about them. All this means for you, my readers, is I will have to figure some other way to share my life with you all. Plus, I still want you to buy my books. My published life story will include all the names, dates and vivid details. This is just a teaser

I Don't Chase, I Facilitate
So many people have hooked up because of me, the legend of "LA" has led people to believe that I have game. The same can be said about people who see the way I handle myself around women. Nothing could be further from the truth. Being in the south where women are not as aggressive as I am used to, I have come to realize it's not my style to chase, court or even approach women. I may get wild, belligerent, and even mannish at times but, the truth is, of the all the women and girls I've dated, I have only successfully approached one girl. And I was thirteen when that happened. All the rest approached me first. Anyone who knew me when I was in Junior High knows I wasn't prepared for the change once I actually started dressing and grooming a little bit better. Since then, I'm such a literal believer in the idea that women choose, I never subscribed to the chasing women thing. Plus, I associate that behavior with "naked-dickers" (word to be defined later) and I try to distance myself from them as much as possible. Don't believe in the legend, I don't have women chasing me down the street. In fact, I stay dateless for long periods. I still get it poppin on a regular basis. And I have so many friends most of whom are platonic females, I couldn't ask for much more. I leave the serial dating to the naked-dickers.
Me.
 I'm in search of a once in a lifetime opportunity. That means that if I approach you and I'm not trying to hook you up with one of my boys, I see potential. And if you approach me and end up staying in touch longer than two weeks (My attention span), I see potential. When people ask me what type of woman I like my response is always one thing, assertive. If you want to be temporary, you can stay passive and with any luck you can catch me when I'm belligerent and mannish, and you will stay temporary. For anything else, step up.

You Are Not Invited
As I mentioned before, "LA" is always into something. Whoever wants to roll can do just that. My one rule is - If you know, you can go. I'm not so formal with invitations. In fact, I flat out will never invite you anywhere. There always being an exception to every rule, know that when I go through the formalities of inviting you, I truly would not be able to enjoy myself without your company. My feelings will be hurt if you don't show and I will cry. I mention this about me because of the legend. The legend has many believing that I roll with this imaginary elite entourage and everyone else is not worthy. Not true. Ask my bartenders, I'm mostly alone when I roll out. I'm out of the promotion business. If I tell you I'm going you better get ready. Or better yet, if you stay ready, you don't have to get ready. I will roll to church, the bar, the movies, Apache, whatever and I refuse to ruin my experience or spend my energy convincing someone to go where they don't want to go.
This goes for dating as well (see above). I may ask a woman out once and leave an open invitation if we can't make a date then. After that, I'm rolling. I ain't go miss "Talk To Me" (A GREAT movie!!! Go see it and don't tell my friends I went without them.) waiting on someone to make up their mind or put their shoes or make up on. I repeat - If you stay ready...









I thought this was going to be a huge revelation but I knew that about you when you lived in New Orleans.

Yeah. This is for the new people.

Hey bro,
We do have a lot in common....hahaha. Is it cause we are both from the SHAW? Very deep revelations. I concur with you 100 percent, we don't have to beg anyone to go out with us, if they want they will come, if they don't then we go out by ourselves and meet the ones that like to roll like us.....I think that is better that way sometimes.
FYI, I married my high school sweetheart.....till this day, when I go clubbing, I go out by myself with the homies because she doesn't like to......Like I said above, if they don't want to go out, we go out ourselves.....
Peace