Strawberry Letter 23 (Repost) Plus some thoughts

Current mood: angsty
Category: Life


I always listen to the Strawberry Letter on The Steve Harvey Morning Show. Since I can't call AND I don't want to be limited to thirty seconds, here is my response to the following letter.

Subject: Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman

GOOD MORNING STEVE, SHIRLY,CARLA AND TOMMY. I AM 19 YRS OLD SOON TO BE 20 IN SEPTEMBER,I LIVE WITH MY BOYFRIEND WHO IS 34 YRS OLD.I CHOOSE TO LEAVE MY FAMILY IN NEW YORK TO STAY WITH HIM, HE IS A GREAT MAN I LOVE HIM A LOT ALTHOUGH WE'VE ONLY KNOWN EACH OTHER AND BEEN TOGETHER FOR A YEAR AND A HALF HE TEACHES ME SO MUCH.HE HASN'T DONE ME WRONG YET AND I DON'T THINK HE WILL. ALL HIS FRIENDS TELL ME HE HAS CHANGED FROM THE MAN HE USE TO BE AND HE REALLY LOVES ME HE SAYS I'M THE ONE AND I BELIEVE HIM BECAUSE OF THE WAY HE TREATS ME. MY QUESTION IS SHOULD I GIVE THIS MAN MY ALL? I MEAN AT 19 SHOULD I CHOOSE TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH HIM.? WE BOTH SAY WE DON'T WANT TO BE WITH ANY ONE ELSE BUT I DON'T WANT TO GET HURT. I USE TO THINK I WAS READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP I EVEN WANTED TO HAVE A BABY BUT BEING WITH HIM MADE ME REALIZE I'M NOT AS MATURE AS I THOUGHT I WAS.SOMETIMES HE TELLS ME TO GROW UP AND WHEN I TELL HIM THIS RELATIONSHIP STUFF IS NEW TO ME HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND. I'M DON'T KNOW ALL THE RIGHT THINGS TO DO ALL THE TIME AND I REALLY DON'T THINK I SHOULD LISTEN TO EVERYONE ELSE'S ADVICE BECAUSE EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS DIFFERENT. WHAT SHOULD I DO I THINK ITS TO LATE TO TAKE IT SLOW SO HOW CAN I PROTECT MY HEART AND STILL EXPERIENCE LIFE? HOW CAN I LET HIM SEE I AM MATURE ENOUGH TO BE HIS LITTLE LADY AND STILL ENJOY BEING YOUNG. SIGNED NOT A GIRL NOT YET A WOMAN

I remember when I was in High School. I was in love with these twins. (I could write a whole other blog about twins, but I might get kicked COMPLETELY OFF XU Gold) I chose one to pursue. It ended up being the wrong one. She was in love with a 23 year old man. I also used to see other girls getting picked up and hollered at by grown men. Obviously, this stuck with me. This was beyond dating a senior when you are a freshman. These men were supposed to be grown. I wondered if I had to wait until I was old (35) to date hot high school girls.

Then I went to college…

…FUCK High School girls!

But as I get older and the women around me get older, it seems like their baggage increases. They get kids. They get married. [Most in that order] They get divorced or separated or neither. And they all have been naked-dickin somebody.

So what do I do? I don't want kids. (I love them and they love me back, but as great of a father as I'm destined to be, I would fuck someone's life up today.) I don't want nobody's naked-dick-juice left over lovin. (I'mma start some shit with that one!) And you think maybe I should go a little younger. But someone else is always beating you to the punch. They're getting pregnant and married younger and younger. So seventeen and eighteen year olds start looking good again

Most men want them new off the lot. That way you can break a young woman in the way they want them to be. But just like in the letter, the way to do that is to raise the girl. Only she doesn't know she's being raised. He uses words like mature and grown. This 34 year old retard (Can I say retard now? Will anyone disagree?) is telling a seventeen-year old she is the one. What's going to happen to college and the life experience she is supposed to get before he starts swelling up her belly?

I know people's grandmothers and older relatives got married pretty young. But those generations are and were much more mature than us. They worked and raised younger brothers and sisters because they had to. We work to buy Jordans and Playstations. They were responsible for huge households at a young age. We can't remember to turn the iron off. But no one is to blame for our lack of maturity. Life is easier for us. We can take our time maturing. And we should.

Simply, this girl needs to go home. It's never too late. Swallow her pride. (She's too young to be all caught up in that anyway.) Apologize to her parents. (I'll bet she has a mother AND a father.) Go to school. Get drunk, join a sorority, get some Fs (mostly As thought) fall in love with an asshole, leave him, marry a REAL man. [Any man in New York who says a seventeen year old is the one (whether he's lying or not) is a retard and shouldn't be living without adult supervision.]

I'm praying this young lady runs back home. She is about to wake up 40 and bitter lying in the bed next to a 55 year old who ain't shit.

Good luck to her!

AND THEN...
The next day....

ANOTHER LETTER!

This girl was with a guy for 6 years and had only slept with him in the last 7 years. She caught gonorhea from the guy THREE TIMES!!! She is still with the guy and doesn't know what to do.

I think this is the same girl fromt he first letter, four years later. This is another man who caught a young girl or weak minded woman and is abusing her. We all know this girl is on the road to dying at the hands of this man. And she calls this love. Both these girls I weep for.

One of the young ladies I sent my blog to had her own blog asking - why men cheat and lie. All men don't cheat and lie. I would even go so far as to say most men don't cheat and lie. But these girls are attracted to liars. That's because they don't have the self respect to be honest with themselves about where they are in life. Both these young women are into lives they are not prepared for.

Again

Good luck ladies!


lol wow!!!!! u got some real insight on that. i cant say i disagree with anything u wrote in here.... glad i subscribed ;-)

These women and men u talk about are victims of their enviroment . I bet both of these girls did not have fathers in the homes,because if they did they wouldn't be with these men.I bet the men in these stories did not have father either. I don't have a solution and sometimes I think the problem has gotten to big to fix. If its going to be possible, the key is restoring the black family, if not I fear we are doomed to continue the maddness . Too many black men won't commit ,all they want to do is chase and get as many women as they can. Leaving far to many unwanted babies, who grow up to be emotional fucked up men and women. The men don't know how to be men,they follow the values they see other men follow which just perpetuate the vicious cycle. The same for women never having the love of a father keeping them search for the love a a man above all else. Its what they saw there mother do, running behind a man, any man just to be loved. Having babies by men who don't love or respect them. How do you stop these cycles I don't know. Are these people stupid, technicially yes but one can understand that above all they are wounded and are making decision like a wounded person.So do I bash men for the way they treat women yes, but at the same time I understand why.Do I bash women for allow/ tolerating some mens bad behavior ,yes but I understand why. Black men and women need to share the blame equally,the black race is in a very sad state.We need to want better for ourselves and esp. for our children. Black men respect youselves.Marry your black women and respect them, raise YOUR children. Black women respect yourselves demand respect from the men you chose, stop having babies by any body, protect yourself from disease. If you don't respect yourself how can you ask that anyone else respect you.

I'm happy to elicit such a passioned response! You are right. EVERYONE is to blame. From the people who created them to the landlord who rented and apartment to a 30 something year old man toting around a 17 year old. We as a community have to be responsible as family members for those who lack it. My nieces and nephews don't like to hear me call them out when they do dumb shit but hey my brothers and sisters are too scared to say anything sometimes. Or too angry. If they only knew how many times I saved them from getting their necks broken...

Hey, Great posts by the way...
I'm reading the same book....lol pretty good one.

Anyway, I totaly hear what you all are saying, but unfortunatly, she will learn the hard way and this girl will probably stay for awhile longer. Sometimes we have to learn and make huge mistakes so that we can move forward and be the person we are destined to become.

Yes we do have a responsiblity as you said above. But really are we taking that responsibility now. I do not think so. People are getting to caught up in their own lives to worry or even say something to others. People are closing off and they are too afraid to speak out and extend a hand. I know I have extended my hand and have gotten bitten quite a few times. However that hasn't stopped me yet.

I have two sons 8 and almost 11 and they know way more than I did at that age. Yes I have already had the sex talk with them and the peer pressure talk and the drug and alcohol talk. Yes I will talk to them again in 6 months. I'm afraid tho that all this work will fall for nothing when they get mixed up with women that will screw up everything I have worked for. Hmmmm maybe no woman will be good enough for them.....God I hope I don't end up like that.

Anyway, thanks for the interesting topic and stimulation.
K

Yeah be careful! You don't want to be THAT mom.