It’s Complicated

I’ve heard it before. Mostly I’ve seen it online. I’ve been picking up girls/women online since the late nineties. I can remember the first time I saw “it’s complicated” as a relationship status. I’ve been wondering since that day what’s so complicated about relationships.

            It’s been quite a while. This week was the first time I actually sought to find out about it. I got a little more than I expected. A little.

           

            Below is my request and some responses:

My name is Jason. I am writing an article on the "it's complicated" relationship status. Would you be interested in sharing a little bit about your relationship status? Please. I can and will keep everything you share anonymous. I just want to talk to real people and real relationships.

Female 30 GA

·         whats there to say we live together but he says we not together dat  im just his right hand gurl

·         yes i pretty much have gave up on tryn wit him cuz he says every thing is my fault but whatever on dat.... i gotta sneak around n do me cuz he likes to trip.. even though he told me dat he dont want any other guy to have me eather i guess

·         (Does he date openly?) nope not dat i kno of

·         its my place its in my name so im not goin any where (to Is moving out difficult?)

·         idk (Is there any hope of reconciliation)

·         (Do you ever think he’s using you?)kinda but he does pay all da bills

·         (It’s a good arrangement except for dating?) yeah to a point

·         we still have sex n sleep in da same bed

·         naw we always use protection cuz he not ready for kids.... if we dont have it then we dont have sex

·         no but i hope it does[change]... bn safe we have bn together off n on for 2yrs... we use to not use any thing till he got wit a whore when we broke up n she gave him a std n ever since then we use protection

·         da only advice u could prob give me would b run his ass off n move on

·         all i gotta say he wont leave so im doin me since he dont wanna b wit me ill find love one way or the other

Female 39 Tustin CA

here is my version of the status....in my mind i am doing the right thing and walking away from the start of a relationship that i see is really too complicated on his side.  Its a guy that didn't  do the right thing by ending his old relationship before starting with me so of course there is fallout and not something that i respect on his part.  At the end of the day I am just not feeling the situation either.   Ok so thats whats complicated....lol.  I do like the fact that the status keeps the stalkers away 

(So just so I'm clear. You did try to have something with a guy who was "having trouble becoming unattached", but you gave up. And now you just leave the status because it's a bit of a filter. Did I get that right?

But I do also read inside that, you still have some feelings for this guy. What about that?)

so far u have everything right....now about the feelings.. I am happier out of it than in it so its a wrap.

Female 28 Overland Park KS

 I don't have a problem sharing. My relationship is complicated because my bf is in prison. I haven't fully made the decision if I should stay or go. I thought complicated was the most acurate description.

Female 33 TX

well my its complicated is not because im in a relationship.....at least I don't think im in one anymore....so Im not sure If I can help you out.   Im still legaly married, over a year now...he refuses to divorce me and I don't have the money to hire a high priced attorney.....we were together for 13 years and even though I know no one will ever love me as much as he does, or do for me like he did.....the love is lost.

I have currently entered a long distance relationship/friendship with someone I went to high school with but never knew when I was in high school, I would love to be with him but.....the distance is a big issue, that and the trust issues i have from my past. Im not prepared to move back home, and although he says will move here its a big step and im not sure how serious he is

its over with my husband......with the guy from high school, I would consider it some kind of relationship

I guess the hardest part I have with the whole distance thing, is it makes me feel abnormal......I don't get why I can't find someone in my own hometown that wants to be with me but someone 1400 miles away is the first person I hear when I wake up in the morning and the last voice at night and wants to be with me......

yeah, i try to hold my head up high on that one, but he acts crazy....the last guy i was talking to before I met my guy.....dumped me after finding out all the drama I still had with the ex....I was on the phone with him and then my ex called my sons phone and I thought I put him on hold.....when the ex told me he went and clamed the kids on his tax return, when he didnt even help me last year I fliped out.....the guy told me "i didn't know you had issues like that, im out" LOL I told him if he had taken a min to ask me how my relationship was with my kids father he whould of known and deleted his #

yea.....IDK, didn't think he was right for me anyway. But I was kind a like WOW your breaking up with me over that???

I think I have it together, I know I make bad choises when it come to men, but what I learned in the past year is as much as I want a relationship, I don't need one...Im blessed I can do for my family and take care of them...Im not the richest person in the world but I make a good enough living to keep my self above water, I have goals, im still young, and I have a bright future ahead me..... =D

i told him i would move back to miami, if I could sell my house. THE PROBLEM......homes are not selling here in San Antonio

Dawn M(Female) 50 Palm Bay, FL

Hello jason. Haha. Well its complicated no more! It was-but i left him and moving on! Take care n good luck with your research!

Latina 52 San Antonio TX

honestly i dont know if i am still in a relationshi.   i have not seen him in 5 weeks......whats complicated?  he puts everyone and everything before me

So do you want to be in a relationship with him still and do you think he does as well?

yes i still do and so does he but i thnk i am ready to move on

yes but he keeps avoiding me.  but he tells me he loves me......  wow

i've asked for my house key but he avoids brining it to me

How long have you two been dating?

7 months

yeah i do but how do you know when it its? (Do you have a limit?)

last week he told me if i wanted my key i had to come get it but i couldnt go at the time so now it likes he wont come by and return it.  Its like he is holding on to it to keep a hold on me?

so i guess i need to set my limits huh?  and you r so right, its women like us who do all the right things and we get taken for granted.......

Female 28 Hokinsville KY

Complicated 4 me means I hav a live in but he's not my boyfriend but he wants 2 b but he is my friend

We tried but it didnt work I don't want 2 go bck down that rode again but he's blockin my life a lil ya know

Just friends(started out)

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!(children?)

Don't really knw[what’s next]. don't want 2 put him out and no where 2 go. But I don't want 2 keep feelin like I can't do in my own house either! What's a girl 2 do! I guess I'm just 2 nice

Female 40 Fort Wayne IN

i met a man we started dating and became srious for five years then he started drinking cheated and i tried tellin him to stay away from me and he said how sorry he was and how much he loved me so i still see hom even thoigh he doesnt allow me at his home because of the secrets he has going on. another skank and two baby mommas he doesnt sleep with the baby mommas but the skank im not sure about we have been together for seven years and 2 have been complicated when i try and leavee he cant stay away for more than 7 days

not taken (Do you date other people?)

sometimes lol its(dating) complicated

i believe that if he is meant to be with me he will see that i am a good woman and come to his senses but who knows what the future holds

what next 29

Well I can start with I am legally married and have been for the last 9 years, but we have been seperated off and on since 2008.  We have filed the divorce papers and are awaiting a court date.  He is currently seeing another woman back home where we are from and I can honestly say that I really don't mind, just wish her the best of luck!!!!         If there is anything else you want to know just ask.

Yes we still talk but only of the childern. No I don't hook up, I really have not thought of dating I just want the divorce to be over with and then someday I might think about dating.

And my lone brave male!

Dustin D Ypsilanti MI 26

yep yep ! my relationship is a im sry i won't do this or that naggin n bitchin anymore..then bam happens again and again sucks rt

yes but we never stop living together  n 6 years 

YES WE GOT A SON TOGETHER AND NOPE SHE DONT WANNA I DO 

As you can see, there are some interesting and disparate stories here. Unfortunately the men didn’t step up. Thankfully, the women were honest and open.  I saved the last female’s story because hers was the most compelling.
            She asked me to call her. I hesitated but quickly found out why it was worth it to call. Below is her story. Because of her situation, I can’t tell you much about her identity. You’ll see:

Female 38

“It's too much to type and what paper or magazine do you work for or is this just a project”

 I sent her a link and my phone number. She responded with hers. I was determined to call so I set a reminder to call her within two hours. This is her story:

She was married 11 years. She’s been separated for 1 year. He doesn’t know. He knows they have problems, but he hopes they stay together. She wants a divorce but she’s scared to tell him where she lives because he’ll make life hell. They’ve tried to work it out 2/3 times. As of now, he thinks she’s looking for a place for them to stay. She intentionally let their lease lapse and told him they had to find somewhere else to live.

            The relationship is abusive, physically and verbally, “He’ll hurt me” “Not attracted to him” because of the abuse. He’s jealous of her financial responsibility. He gave up “the life”/hustling and now struggles. He’s unhappy with his life choices. So, they argue, he get’s violent.

She lives in one state and he lives in the state next door. He’s not from either. She’s hiding from him and still dating.

“It helps” but “I’m going to hell” because she’s still married. She cheated two years ago (that’s one year before the ‘separation’. She’s scared of Tagged. She still dates the guy she cheated with, but she can’t give her all because of this situation.

She’s embarrassed because family warned her. And after all this, she’s still “confused”. She thinks about going back but knows she “Can’t change him” Deep down she knows it’s not going to work.

These women should show us how issues get tangled and twisted and complex when we let things build up instead of dealing with them. All of these “relationships” started simply and then the issues came. As I spoke with these women, I would notice one issue that seemed simple enough and, immediately, that one issue would get entwined with another simple issue. And then another, and another… And there you have it! A complicated relationship.

                      I’ll speak for the men and say that everyone is looking for Love. These “complicated” relationships are just one extent people will go to in order to find it. Let these women serve as warning. Relationships are simple. Life is simple. Love is powerful. It can all become complex if we let them.