What I Learned Today

Woke up feeling well. I walked for an actual hour today. I got some lemons. LOVE lemons!

I’m still recovering from staying up all night on Sunday so I fell asleep for a while today.

            I got quite a bit typed today and posted a blog. That was wonderful. My father made my Step-mom some “Clipper” shoes on Nikeid.com They were cool. She loved them. Then I learned Aunt Connie died today.

            Aunt Connie was very close to my Step-mom. She lived in Brooklyn and I only met her once when I was very young but my Step-mom and Aunt Connie were very close. My family doesn’t handle death well but my step-mom does the best with it. There were some family issues, however. And the funeral will probably be in New York. So there’s stress right now. Somehow it got to me.

            I have my own stress. My phone is off till Friday. I’m working to get in touch with my probation officer to at least keep him in a good mood but more so to get my probation transferred so I can be officially done with Georgia. And I am still looking for a job or any way to generate a positive cash flow and still be able to write.

            I’m working on my focus. It’s strong, at times. It could definitely be better. I have a pretty good head start on my mastery of this writing thing without school. But I still battle internally with feeling like an outsider no matter what I do. Distraction is a BIG issue. I want to let my mind wander. I make connections that way. But I don’t want to lose focus. That happens too!

            I nearly lost focus.

            I’ve haven’t been home three months yet and SMH. I wanna burn some sage in here! I don’t even believe in all that but goddamn!

            Since I don’t have any sage, I went to Tony Robbins. I’m on Day 7 of a twenty day program. I did Days 5 and 6 today. I have the time. I wrote while I listened. It helped. And it just so happened that during my reflections it occurred to me that I like to do things all the way. I don’t like to be just acquaintances. If I like a girl I go all the in. No dibble dabbling. I like to hurry and get to the REAL intimacy. If that includes poking, so be it. When it comes to relationships and being intimate, I’m all the way. I’ve only ever had one one-night-stand and I probably know more about that girl than most people know about their “girlfriends/boyfriends” after a few months. (AND I’m only exaggerating a little bit!) I consider all of my male friends best friends. And I can’t throw away food.

            I don’t like trying. So I’m doing well with Tony Robbins. I’m motivated enough to want to change so I’m doing ALL the steps. He mentioned doing it all the way if it’s worth doing.

            All that made me realize that I am a doer. I’ve just been doing a lot over these years. I was truly spread too thin. I have a bunch of projects started and not many finished. And I haven’t given up on any of them. So, YES, I am insane! If I had hair.

            But like I said before, I am gaining more and more focus every day.

            Today I decided the order of books will be 1. Chasing The P  2. Welcome to Jail and 3. What I Learned in Church. That’s based on primarily on ease o completion. God willing, all three and the others will be completed within a short time of each other. The other reason for choosing to make that book a priority is that I like it. It’s where I am right now. I’m at a cross roads. No matter where I go from here, I need to close the book on the past.

            So that’s it, I’m still working to control my focus. I’m doing pretty well. I’m choosing to be happy. The following blogs that aren’t WIL in Church or this journal should be about Chasing the P with a few sprinkles of Jail.

            Looking forward to what the future holds and thankful for these days.