Despite what KRS-1 says and ALL my
best efforts, the P is not free. In some way or another we all end up paying,
before or after, for sex.
I’m sure we’re all familiar with
what men will do to get sex, and how they change after but this is a little
deeper.
What about when the for some reason
or another outside of true Love, the man wants to stay? Sometimes the reason is
as trivial as just wanting to back up a bunch of shit talking. In fact, most of
the time the sex is not that great at all and it is the shit talking that keeps couples together.
It all begins with all the false
identities we present to each other that build into the bigger promises we make
in order to keep up relationships that are built on nothing. I know people
whose relationships have less real talk than a couple in a Cinemax movie. That
tends to be the way when people don’t want to hear the truth. The less talking,
the less chance hurting one another’s feelings. In all relationships, plutonic,
business, political as well as romantic, the truth is not very popular.
Everyone just wants to be Politically Correct.
After centuries of these polite
relationships, we’ve developed a society of dysfunctional relationships. In short we are all a bunch of liars. We are
an overly sexual society and most of us want to keep it a secret. Both the men
and the women want to avoid being labeled. We all get into sexual relationships
that we want to keep sexual. But the only way to keep any relationship purely
sexual is to pay. As the saying goes - you don’t pay hookers for sex, you pay
them to go away. But it’s a recession and as sexual as America is, no one wants
to be seen as overly sexual, so we avoid hookers and situations where we could
be seen as hookers.
And that begins the delicate dance
of love. We want to get the P for free so we pretend to be in love. The only
problem is we can’t dance. We keep making up more and more lies to keep the P
free. We tell so many lies for so long that sometimes we wake up married with
kids.
Here’s the bad news: Eventually,
the truth always comes out. AND, eventually you always pay for the P. The
longer you go without paying, the larger the bill raises. So when you finally
figure out you’ve been playing yourself, you’ve got to pay.
Most of the time, the bill comes in
the form of child support and, by the time that bill comes, play time is over. Another
bill is called alimony. All of these “bills” come as a result of trying to avoid
the prepayment for sex. I used to look down on a friend of mine who bragged
about paying his wife for sex. But looking at their situation now, if they do ever
make a split, it will be clean because he prepaid. They don’t have children.
And his payments are documented. Worst case scenario, he’ll have to maintain
his already small payments. Best case scenario, he’ll win and she’ll have to
pay him.
But let’s talk about the losers.
At some point in failed
relationships, amnesia sets in. All the promises are forgotten. All the good
times erased. All the lies ignored except for their use in arguments. When it
comes to “Baby-Mamas”, “Baby Daddies” (I threw up a little in my mouth typing
those words. I hate them so much. That’s another blog though.), Ex-Husbands and
Ex-Wives it’s hard to look at them and imagine they ever loved or even
tolerated each other enough to have unprotected sex once let alone a whole
relationship’s worth of sex.
Dr. Laura always keeps it real. A
couple may not reunite after splitting up but when children become involved, continued
communication is mandatory. I didn’t realize my parents still talked till I was
like twenty. They argued so much in front of me that it seemed impossible they
could ever communicate rationally. I was so wrong! No wonder I couldn’t get
away with any of that playing one against the other shit.
Number 8 is the biggest. Don’t make
promises you can’t keep. All you are doing is just building a debt you WILL be
forced to repay in one way or another. What started as lies to get the P for
free can eventually lead to making false promises to children and can end up
with you forking up some bail money for your stripper daughter.
The bottom line for men as well as women in relationships that
doesn’t/won’t work out is to be honest to your words. Whether or not you can
actually live up to the all the shit you talk in relationships, you WILL have
to pay the debt one day. It may include child support, it may include alimony,
it may be tuition, and you may have to raise someone else’s kid. But the most
important debt you owe is to the children. And it’s not about money. It’s about
time and Love. It’s about keeping your priorities in line.
When you truly make family and Love
the priority, the money won’t matter. Neither parent will run from their responsibilities.
And whether or not the romantic relationship works out the relationship between
both parents must be maintained. Not just for the children but for fulfillment within
your personal lives.
Paying what you owe is all about
being true to yourself. At some point we all have to face the reality of our
decisions. The sooner we do, the easier it will be to handle our responsibilities.
The P is not free. Whether it’s
$1.50 for a pack of rubbers or $215,000 for college, you will pay. Even if it’s
just time and the energy of dealing with each other honestly, which I say is
the best value, you must pay.
It’s never too late ladies and
gentlemen. No blame, no games, just start with a little honesty. And…
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