Letter to Stormy

Excuse me miss. If you don’t mind, I just want to talk to you for a minute. I saw you last night at the movies. I know you were with your boyfriend. I was out there after the movie when you two started arguing. I was awestruck when he started choking you and telling you to shut up. When he told you he hated you I thought it was over then. I would have approached you then but you two left together.

            I have to tell you how beautiful you are. I couldn’t get you out of my mind after that. I have to say something now. I usually leave girls with boyfriends alone but last night was like a cry for help. I want to help. I want to show you there are better men out there. I am one of them and, if you let me, I can be better than him.

            I went home and stayed up all night thinking –“why did you leave with him?” It came to me early in the morning. Obviously, you must not think there is anything better out there. So, you see, I had to approach you. Here I am! I’m better. Can’t you tell?

            Just look at my hands. Can’t you see the difference? If he is what you like, let me upgrade you. If you can’t see it now, just give me a try. You don’t even have to decide now. Keep me a secret and see us both for a short while. It won’t take long anyway for you to see I’m better.

            Oh what lovely skin! Give me some time alone with you to show you. By the time we can go out in public together, I’ll have you convinced. Then when the world sees us… it’ll be obvious you made the right choice. You chose the better man.

            If you liked that, you’ll love me. And if you loved him, you’ll worship me. Just say the word. I’ll show right now if you like.

            Trust me. It’ll be beyond anything you’ve ever experienced

You ready?

Good!

Let’s go…

… See! I told you! How did you like that? Don’t say a word. I know you’re still in shock. Rest your pretty little head. You’ll need it. The best is yet to come.

            Is that shock?

            I bet you thought no one could ever touch you like he did, let alone be better. Was that the quickest you’ve ever blacked out? And that wasn’t even my best.

            I just wanted you to see how easy it is for me to do better than him. I dot all my eyes and cross all my T’s. Who walks around with one black eye? A loser that’s who. All my girls get two black eyes. And those wonderful teeth… we’ll make an exact replica now so we can be ready with new teeth whenever I slap all the taste out your mouth

            See what I saved you from. The mediocrity. The half assedness. Everytime he apologized the next day and you forgave him. Forget those apologies. He can save that for his mama. It’s her fault anyway for raising a half assed niggah. But no worries! You’re with a winner now baby!

            Are you glad I rescued you from that situation? He couldn’t keep up. Once I saw his half assedness and I saw that you liked that, I knew you deserved more. I’m so happy to be the one to give you more than you ever wanted. And I’m going to give you so much more. If we are going to continue this we need to handle some paper work first. That way we can handle those pesky people who think I’m abusing you. We’re just expressing our love, our way. So here is a consent form. And you may want to consider a will (with me in it of course). After all, I love hard.

The previous anecdote was based on a real event. A girl named Stormy got choked in front of a crowd of her peers. We were in high school. I found out through the grapevine that she stayed with her boyfriend at the time. I was shocked and heartbroken.

Years later I realized that was not an isolated incident. Domestic violence has grown seemingly exponentially since I was in high school. The numbers among high school students are discouraging. Something must be done now.

                         Although I made light of the situation, I abhor domestic violence. Men and women who think violence is the way to express love are sad. It is my hope that my parody will entice women and men to discuss these issues open and honestly.

This is a serious serious issue. If you know someone in an abusive relationship

Talk to them. These are not the relationships we need to stay out of. Quite the opposite, instead of gossiping about everything else that goes on, we must direct our energy at ending abusive relationships.

            People who know me know how passionate I am and how involved I will get when faced with abusive relationships. That passion needs to be spread. This is one cycle I will break even if I have to bust some knee caps to do so.

Please help.

Talk.

Fight abuse.

Most of all, Love, each other and yourselves – Jerry Springer.