From The Front Lines of Niggardom

From The Front Lines of Niggardom

My assault on niggardom has not achieved the desired results. (Yet.) While me relentless positivity(Can you believe that’s not a word! Yet) has influenced many and my blessings have grown, my focus on niggardom has attracted too much of the same. Like a trying to catch an evening breeze and turning the porch light on… niggahs and flies! With so many blessings it’s easy to get distracted and lose focus. All the while, negativity is building. (Like that rapid accumulation of bugs to porch lights.) Once you lose focus, there it is!

I was feeling myself. I had a good cash flow. I had a growing business. I had the attention of quite a few beautiful women. And I was patiently eager in anticipation of attention from one of the most beautiful women I have been blessed to come in contact with. I started slipping. Church went from weekly attendance to online to barely catching one podcast a month. Daily words became weekly and my meditation was way WAY off.

Niggardom crept up and fit itself into one of those often overlooked aspects of my life. I felt it coming. I knew I was slipping. I tried to stay calm. I panicked. What could have been a slip became a trip, stumble, fumble and a huge fuck up. And now, I’m smack dab in the middle of niggardom. Everything I said I was against, I ended up promoting. And here I am with Amos and Andy. I started out reporting from the field, now I’m on the front line.

And it is everything I said it was. Except, I never mentioned, there is still a light. In the deepest darkest dumberest recesses of niggardom, there is still a light. I had to lock in on it. I had to regain my focus. One of the best things about being in there is I have plenty of time to read, write, meditate, pray, help and teach. The light can grow. I can still grow.

I can regain my focus. I always had the time. God forced me to take it. He showed me light. While the devil had “Amos and Andy” telling me it could get darker, God sent me a light. He spoke and said – find the time and space to be quiet. Only when you are quite can you connect/reconnect to your holy spirit. The holy spirit will focus your energy and attract what’s best for you.

The devil is all about noise. Niggardom is loud! The noise is just distraction. Distraction can be attractive but it is purely nothing. The devil likes you to be filled with nothing so he can replace the space with negativity. So I practice tuning the noise out.

I have been blessed with the ability to tune it out for years. I realize it now. It takes focus and practice to master any skill. I can think in the loudest and most ignorant noise. I can sleep on top of the loudest bass speakers. If I can sleep and I can think, I can meditate. If I can meditate, my light can grow. If I can meditate, I can see the light in the darkness. Any darkness. Because every darkness has a light. (Even Charlie Murphy!) How do you even recognize darkness without light.

So I stay quiet in the midst of the noise. I focus in the midst of confusion. I let my light shine fearlessly in the darkness. Where I once trusted light to be a hiding place of dark, I trust darkness to have plenty of room for the light. I taught Amos (Or Andy, whichever one is the skinny one) algebra. The light grew in both of us. I can see now that a fuck up become a fumble then a stumble to a trip and then a slip and we can all bounce back! So I just stop now. I may have to do it often but “the rush” will catch you slipping. And I’m not the gingerbread man, I’m a juggernaut. Just building momentum as slow as I choose. But building. And once I get going, I’ll never be stopped again.