Co-Dependence, self-sabotage and settling... : Dating Questions

Current mood:Just Thinking
Category: Romance and Relationships

Co-Dependence

I used to blame the men. How could it not be some lame trying to get his first piece, or the quasi-pseudo player trying to mack without the pimpin' telling every virgin he meets or getting tricked by a young pimptress into saying things which give females the slightest reason to believe they will ever have a chance at a future. Why else would men whine about women who they cant get to go away? If men weren't giving females these ideas, then where did the ideas comes from? I knew women wouldn't just come up with these ideas on their own. No one could lie to themselves like that.

Then it happened to me more than once. I promise yall, I told the girls point blank, flat out all I wanted was a physical relationship and nothing more. I also said there was no possibility of any type of future. They (the women) didn't go away. They stayed. They laid up. They never gave up. And the questions - Do you want me to stay? (No) Do you want me to come over? (NO) Don't you like me? (Not really) Are you listening? (Absolutely not)

And now I am in the buckle of the bible belt. The heart of the south. Atlanta's a whole new variable in the relationship equation. There are a whole different type of people lying to themselves. People are married much younger. They stay in fucked up relationships for absolutely no reason at all. Women date gay men.(Really, they are gay There is no down low. That's a whole other blog.) Men trick ridiculously. And they all cheat. This may not seem out of the ordinary. But it is. Its the degree to which these things occur here.

Understand, there are people in successful relationships out there. But that's not our focus right now. We are looking at the dysfunctional ones in the hope of repairing them.

The curse and the blessing of the human race is our co-dependence. People need people. Its the natural order of things for men and women to get together. Children are usually closer to the parent of the opposite sex. In fact, future relationships are determined by the dynamic between the child and parent of the opposite sex. And when we get older we all go out in search of the improvement on that mother-son/father-daughter dynamic. Then all hell breaks out.

There is distrust. There is denial. The longing for something better. The doubt. The insecurities. The self sabotage. The hang ups. The superficiality. The loss of individuality. All the things we deal with/ignore that ruin our adult relationships.

How did we all become so desperate? Is the urge to have someone in our lives so intense that we stay in bad relationships? Or that we constantly seek validation from the opposite sex to make ourselves feel better? True, we are driven by the quest for that perfect mate. But what makes us settle for less than perfect situations? Who told us that is the way its supposed to be? Is it fear? Fear of being alone. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of rejection. Fear of spiders. Just fear.

I meant to write about co-dependence. But again, I come to the question of settling. Maybe that is the answer. Another question. (Good GotDamn!) When will I have a conclusive answer to this? I guess the game keeps changing.






Okay. I read the whole thing and the only thing that stands out to me and that I took away from this blog was:

There are a whole different type of people lying to themselves. People are married much younger. They stay in fucked up relationships for absolutely no reason at all. Women date gay men.(Really, they are gay There is no down low. That's a whole other blog.) Men trick ridiculously. And they all cheat. This may not seem out of the ordinary. But it is. Its the degree to which these things occur here.


When I get passed the reality of this, maybe I can focus enough to say something more substantial....