Journal

This is an apology of sorts.

I'm sorry I'm away so much. This past month and a half have been interesting. Trying to find a way to organize my highly volatile life into a productive schedule, learning to say yes to life and no to users, getting sucked into playing diplomat for my High School Alumni and trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with my new friends.

SUPER exciting!

But for the last week I have been troubled . I wasn't doing what I Loved. And, come to find out, it has been over a month and a half since Decision 2012!!! I can't believe it. I've gone time before but I've been so caught up with life that I kept thinking it had only been a week or two. Six weeks later...I'm rambling an apology to to my readers.

So I was working on call with a moving company. That was fun. I got some exercise. I made a friend or two.  I got a bank account for free. I felt like I was winning. In a way, I was. It was definitely a step in the right direction. But it was just that, a step.
An English man working with the moving company gave the most appropriate answer when I asked him what he really did. He said, I haven't found my passion yet. Another coworker was actually following his passion. So much so that he would refuse to work at times to be in his studio. So profound and inspiring. Still, I wasn't a fit there. Temping/Waiting Tables here I come! So I learned to stick with my passion although I haven't been producing of late. It's fine. I"ll figure it out.

I've began working with two other companies since April. I am now you local Herbalife distributor. That is not a plug. I don't care if you want to stay fat. I don't care if you think you know everything there is to know about health. I live in Los Angeles. Everyone wants a beach body. I can help. No magic pills but delicious shakes and aloe and tea and health! Take it or leave it. Me Vale Verga
AND I'm super excited to have been invited back into the Real Estate industry. I have been certain for years that I could make money even in this economy with real estate. Now, I get to prove myself right. And I'm doing it with some Real Go Getters!
And I had to chump off my travel business sponsor. Not actually, but she's beggin for it. The last time my travel sponsor called me selfish for not convincing business morons that they can sale. I am a business man. I can sale. I am so good at it that I can sale by telling the truth. I can sale BECAUSE I tell the truth. I will not lie to socially inept people and sale them a business built around social networking. Just because you have no passion for anything in life, doesn't mean that everyone else is hopeless. So no! While I say yes to business and getting my own travel agency, NO to the bullshit that goes along with it.

Speaking of bullshit. My high school won the Hoodie Award for Best High School. Somehow I ended up behind the scenes of the drama that went along with it. I just wanted to help. My school needs it. My alumni need it. Mostly, it seems, my alumni need it. Some people who graduated from my high school LONG before I did must still believe they are in high school because they insist on cliquing up. Granted I am accepted and invited into all circles, but this is not about me. Charity is completely selfless. If any parties involved in the political behind the scenes of my high school alumni read this, SELFLESS. Whatever bullshit you insist on keeping up this year WILL be outed. I was warned about the snakes. I'm not worried about them one bit. I was given power to trample/tread/crush all snakes. So good luck people. I will win. My school will win. We always do!

And on top of all that, as my good friend would say - I'm sitting back munching on my Pop Secret popcorn watching people reveal themselves and their dysfunction.


Anyway, I'm back to work.
More to come...

Fellow Writers

Current mood: impressed
Category: Writing and Poetry

Since I have begun to invite people to my blog, I also have been subscribing to more people's blogs. My MySpace experience has begun to change drastically for the positive because of that. I get to enjoy the work of many, many talented people. Some people have begun to share, who may not have if not for MySpace. I credit my brother for urging me and I had a few poems on BlackPlanet back in the day, but if not for MySpace and you all's comments, I would have never shared this much and been inspired to write more. I really never wanted my first book to be poetry but...the people have spoken.

This is just to emphasize the positive aspects of MySpace. Sure there are all kinds of slutty little kids, wierdos, wackos, Jack-O, pedophiles, nut jobs and pornographers here. But so are there out in the world and worse. I just don't walk down those roads. Anywhere. Its all about the good a thing can do. I focus on that. And when my strength gets week, I have my friends here to help me out. So thank you all. Again for the comments. And for making MySpace so very positive for me. You all are the very best MySpace has to offer.

And to my fellow writers, I have always been wary of the poetry house scene. But if Apache is anything like talking with you, I will see you all there soon. I got the first round. And if not, you all are my scene and MySpace is my personal coffee house. So (Snaps) to you!

Be good everybody.






Its good to have a medium that you can really dive into. I have to say that I wholly enjoy your works, and I feel lighter when I release some of my creative energy and spill my guts for the world to read. This medium allows for a little bit of privacy, even when you are opened up to the whole world wide web... keep up the flow... and (snap), I dig. LOL

You are so right about the positive energy. Since you invited me to join your blog, I have been inspired to begin writing again. Writing is a passion that I have enjoyed since I was just a kid, but the cares of life tend to diminish those little extras sometimes. I haven't posted any of my work yet, but I guess after the new year I'll plan on posting some blogs of my own and hitting a few open mics in the Atlanta area. Of course I'm a little nervous, but I have a talent that God gave to me and nobody can take that away.

So in the meantime I'll keep reading your work and probably join a few other blogs. But be on the lookout for me next year!

Keep up the good work. You truly are an inspiration.

Exactly! You do have a talent and many more. You should share it everyday and in every way you can. MySpace is just one of the ways. I am sure we all look foward to the day you are ready to share with us. Keep it positive.

I am glad that you have been able to use Myspace as a positive experience in your writings....personally I enjoy reading the thoughts and views of people I've never met...it kinda gives you the opportunity to look through someone's eyes from a view youmay have never seen otherwise....so I gues what I mean is keep doing what you do and do it well...life is going to be what you make of it so continue to enjoy, share, and relate.....looking forward to more writings!!

OK...I hate this...I just had all the typos in the world up there...lol...I'm at work...ya know sneaking and stuff, so I just wanted it to be known that I caught my own typos!!!.lol...

My Biggest Fear

I am scared to write. I have never finished any major wirting project not mandated by school or some authority figure. I used to be able to blame it on my perfectionism but I am beginning to think that’s a cop out. I’m just scared. Of what I will try to find out. What do I do when I finish? Will people read it? Will they understand? Most of all will they like it? 

You know what I’m twenty-seven. I may or may not be suffering from the quarter life crisis and I live with family and still have chores. I think I don’t care anymore. Really, I just don’t give a shit. I’ve been all over this country; experiencing different cultures and different people. You know what people are all the same. They just need people to listen and empathize with their situation. So I’ll just write what I know. I’ll write what I’ve picked up in all my travels from friends, acquaintances, colleagues, a few winos, and a bunch of bums. 

Since we started out discussing my fears, lets explore my biggest fear. My biggest fear is failure. Not just in a try and fail sense, but an ultimate failure to accomplish every goal I set for myself since I was 10. I am deathly afraid of settling. And I abhor the middle. I am all or nothing. I hate the middle class. I refuse to settle down with any woman. And most importantly, I will never be serious about any job that is not my ultimate career.

When I was 12, I read about Solomon. He was supposed to be the paradigm of wisdom. Out of the three vital qualities: knowledge, wisdom, and understanding, wisdom is the penultimate. But at 12, I realized that knowledge and understanding were first necessary in order to gain wisdom. In my conceit, I knew, I had knowledge wrapped up. So I committed myself to true understanding. I understand a great deal. I can find parallels in many, many things that people would never realize are related. At around 17 I set out to understand the most complex creatures in the universe – human beings. I do alright in that aspect. I can relate to a lot of people one would think I would never fit in with. 

I have had trouble of late though. I am stuck on one topic and I haven’t the slightest clue as to how I can make this work. Lately I have been surrounded by people who settled. Don’t get me wrong most of them have achieved middle class status. The problem is that virtually none of them have attained that status doing what they set out to do when they were younger. I have also been around people who have had no idea what they wanted to do with their life. These people I have encountered in a diverse sample. I have met people who just bounce around from job to job with no true aim except to ultimately retire and no real time frame to accomplish even that goal. At the other end of the spectrum, there are the numerous “doctor and lawyer wannabes.” I have met A Lot. These people who go to college and want to be doctors but hate blood and dissecting things. These people who want to be lawyers and can’t read. Or the ultimate directionless college student, the Business major. 

Maybe I can get a response to this question. It is my ultimate obstacle and has become my deadliest fear. I say deadly because I will be terminally depressed if I end up middle-class. I must know how people end up being middle-class from having upper-class dreams. I must know without having to experience it myself. I really want to know how a person can have a dream and just give it up. There is nothing wrong with one’s life plan taking a little longer than the average. Nothing wrong with being an adult student. Nothing wrong with taking a break and starting over late in life. But what makes people just stop pursuing their goals? Holler back people.