Decision 2015!!!

It's hard to believe three years have passed since Decision 2012. It seems like some much has happened.Either way, election day is upon us again and I have some more decisions to make.

I have been thinking about my dating life since coming back to Los Angeles, it's different than I expected to say the least. I have a lot more alone time than I imagined having when I first left Georgia. And that time has led me to reminiscence over my dating history.

I've been a pretty good boyfriend/partner. I've never cheated. I do flirt, A LOT. But it's probably not in me to cheat. I don't think I have the time.

I've come to realize that no matter how casual the relationship, it's still a relationship and I barely want to sit on the phone and chit chat with my girlfriend, so i definitely don't want to chit chat with a side piece. Think about bootie calls. In theory, it sounds nice. You call at 11:30 (The bootie call hour), ask for some sex, and you get some sex, no strings attached. But there are strings! It's a racket. What they don't mention in the description is the number of calls at 5:30 in the afternoon (or some other ungodly hour when I could be doing something better). They don't mention the inordinate amount of chit chatting that is requisite in a booty call relationship. I'm already trying to minimize the chit chat so side pieces AKA cheating won't work. And I ain't paying....

Hell, I ain't even getting a hotel room, which probably means I"m not going to have much sex at all until I move out of mom's house... SMH. My maximum expenditure in direct relation to sex is condoms. I don't count dates as paying because I usually only take women places I was going to go alone to anyway.

Shout out to the genius who wrote "Dr. J was compelled to say something on this subject because he couldn’t grasp a non paying participant on a date calling the payer cheap. "
Cheap is placing ANY economic value on human interaction. 
But I digress. Back to my decision.


It's simple.
I'm getting married soon. And like Andree told me, I'm not wasting my time.
Men and women have standards they wish to acquire. However, when it comes to dating, they put those standards to the side for some of the most ridiculous dating rules. For instance, I've scanned past a GANG of online dating profiles of women who list  their relationship goals as "casual/nothing serious..." After talking to them though, they want to be married. Why do they do that? That's the rule. Don't seem too serious. You might scare a lot of guys away.
Fuck that.
You want to get married, say so. I'll go out on a limb and guess that every woman only wants to marry one man. Why be worried about scaring away a lot of men? Isn't the goal to scare away most men and filter it down to one? If you want casual, say so. No need to waste time pretending to be in a serious relationship when you may not have time for one.
Be true to your priorities and the Law of Abundance will give you what you want. Fear and dishonesty will bring you the opposite of your priorities. Don't be scared of getting everything you've ever wanted. I've known what I wanted for a long time. I've been told to not pursue it. I've been distracted from what I want. I've been afraid. I missed out on a few good women... So, I'm going to always say I want to be married until I'm married. I'm always going to talk about marriage even after I'm married because my wife and I will always work on our marriage. I'm working on my marriage now alone and, hopefully, my wife is too. And, one day soon, we'll work on it together.

So, since once it's said, I'm obligated to live it. I'm getting married. Soon. And I probably know her already. #nolongerdistracted #focused #brave

P.S. - The wedding's going to be in New Orleans. (Some things never change)

Journal

This is an apology of sorts.

I'm sorry I'm away so much. This past month and a half have been interesting. Trying to find a way to organize my highly volatile life into a productive schedule, learning to say yes to life and no to users, getting sucked into playing diplomat for my High School Alumni and trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with my new friends.

SUPER exciting!

But for the last week I have been troubled . I wasn't doing what I Loved. And, come to find out, it has been over a month and a half since Decision 2012!!! I can't believe it. I've gone time before but I've been so caught up with life that I kept thinking it had only been a week or two. Six weeks later...I'm rambling an apology to to my readers.

So I was working on call with a moving company. That was fun. I got some exercise. I made a friend or two.  I got a bank account for free. I felt like I was winning. In a way, I was. It was definitely a step in the right direction. But it was just that, a step.
An English man working with the moving company gave the most appropriate answer when I asked him what he really did. He said, I haven't found my passion yet. Another coworker was actually following his passion. So much so that he would refuse to work at times to be in his studio. So profound and inspiring. Still, I wasn't a fit there. Temping/Waiting Tables here I come! So I learned to stick with my passion although I haven't been producing of late. It's fine. I"ll figure it out.

I've began working with two other companies since April. I am now you local Herbalife distributor. That is not a plug. I don't care if you want to stay fat. I don't care if you think you know everything there is to know about health. I live in Los Angeles. Everyone wants a beach body. I can help. No magic pills but delicious shakes and aloe and tea and health! Take it or leave it. Me Vale Verga
AND I'm super excited to have been invited back into the Real Estate industry. I have been certain for years that I could make money even in this economy with real estate. Now, I get to prove myself right. And I'm doing it with some Real Go Getters!
And I had to chump off my travel business sponsor. Not actually, but she's beggin for it. The last time my travel sponsor called me selfish for not convincing business morons that they can sale. I am a business man. I can sale. I am so good at it that I can sale by telling the truth. I can sale BECAUSE I tell the truth. I will not lie to socially inept people and sale them a business built around social networking. Just because you have no passion for anything in life, doesn't mean that everyone else is hopeless. So no! While I say yes to business and getting my own travel agency, NO to the bullshit that goes along with it.

Speaking of bullshit. My high school won the Hoodie Award for Best High School. Somehow I ended up behind the scenes of the drama that went along with it. I just wanted to help. My school needs it. My alumni need it. Mostly, it seems, my alumni need it. Some people who graduated from my high school LONG before I did must still believe they are in high school because they insist on cliquing up. Granted I am accepted and invited into all circles, but this is not about me. Charity is completely selfless. If any parties involved in the political behind the scenes of my high school alumni read this, SELFLESS. Whatever bullshit you insist on keeping up this year WILL be outed. I was warned about the snakes. I'm not worried about them one bit. I was given power to trample/tread/crush all snakes. So good luck people. I will win. My school will win. We always do!

And on top of all that, as my good friend would say - I'm sitting back munching on my Pop Secret popcorn watching people reveal themselves and their dysfunction.


Anyway, I'm back to work.
More to come...

Decision 2012!!!

 Decision 2012!!!

This is an important year on so many levels. There is a moderately important election going on. It's the Olympics. I'm building myself as well as my businesses. Oh and the planet is set to explode at any minute. Thanks for THAT news Mayans! And Mexicans wonder why no one likes them.

 No time for distractions.

With that in mind, I gave up drinking. Six months in, I realizing drinking may not have been my biggest distraction. For nearly as long as I’ve been drinking, maybe longer, I’ve been infatuated with women.

I am a flirt! Big flirt.

I love women. Since I started trying to hump at 3, it’s been nearly always about women. All of them. All the time!

Fast forward to today. I’m considering slowing down. I’ve always wanted to be married and have children. As a child of divorce, though, I MUST get it right the first and only time. So many ways to go… So many distractions… So many options… And, still, I thought I came close to being married. Thought! What’s a man to do? Being in my 30’s is better than I could have ever imagined. It is a smorgasbord of beautiful women. All up to par, and successful or knocking on the door… I’m paralyzed by the enormity of it all.

But I must decide. I am not a tyrant and I will not take advantage. I have before and I am so apologetic to those women I did not help but, instead, used. I will not do that anymore. Or, at least, I determined to be clearer about my decision. That didn’t work out so well. So now this is my announcement to the world. My decision in 2012, officially…

I am and will remain single (And enjoy EVERY moment of it) until a woman convinces me otherwise. And by otherwise I mean marriage.

One more time, for the hard at reading:

            The only exclusivity I believe in is marriage. Until my engagement, I will NOT be anyone’s beau, boyfriend, or any other kind of trick word for exclusive dating. If a boyfriend/exclusivity is mandatory en route to marriage for you, I’m sad to have missed getting to know you. But not too sad!
            I’m too busy enjoying my life. Single. 

It’s Complicated

I’ve heard it before. Mostly I’ve seen it online. I’ve been picking up girls/women online since the late nineties. I can remember the first time I saw “it’s complicated” as a relationship status. I’ve been wondering since that day what’s so complicated about relationships.

            It’s been quite a while. This week was the first time I actually sought to find out about it. I got a little more than I expected. A little.

           

            Below is my request and some responses:

My name is Jason. I am writing an article on the "it's complicated" relationship status. Would you be interested in sharing a little bit about your relationship status? Please. I can and will keep everything you share anonymous. I just want to talk to real people and real relationships.

Female 30 GA

·         whats there to say we live together but he says we not together dat  im just his right hand gurl

·         yes i pretty much have gave up on tryn wit him cuz he says every thing is my fault but whatever on dat.... i gotta sneak around n do me cuz he likes to trip.. even though he told me dat he dont want any other guy to have me eather i guess

·         (Does he date openly?) nope not dat i kno of

·         its my place its in my name so im not goin any where (to Is moving out difficult?)

·         idk (Is there any hope of reconciliation)

·         (Do you ever think he’s using you?)kinda but he does pay all da bills

·         (It’s a good arrangement except for dating?) yeah to a point

·         we still have sex n sleep in da same bed

·         naw we always use protection cuz he not ready for kids.... if we dont have it then we dont have sex

·         no but i hope it does[change]... bn safe we have bn together off n on for 2yrs... we use to not use any thing till he got wit a whore when we broke up n she gave him a std n ever since then we use protection

·         da only advice u could prob give me would b run his ass off n move on

·         all i gotta say he wont leave so im doin me since he dont wanna b wit me ill find love one way or the other

Female 39 Tustin CA

here is my version of the status....in my mind i am doing the right thing and walking away from the start of a relationship that i see is really too complicated on his side.  Its a guy that didn't  do the right thing by ending his old relationship before starting with me so of course there is fallout and not something that i respect on his part.  At the end of the day I am just not feeling the situation either.   Ok so thats whats complicated....lol.  I do like the fact that the status keeps the stalkers away 

(So just so I'm clear. You did try to have something with a guy who was "having trouble becoming unattached", but you gave up. And now you just leave the status because it's a bit of a filter. Did I get that right?

But I do also read inside that, you still have some feelings for this guy. What about that?)

so far u have everything right....now about the feelings.. I am happier out of it than in it so its a wrap.

Female 28 Overland Park KS

 I don't have a problem sharing. My relationship is complicated because my bf is in prison. I haven't fully made the decision if I should stay or go. I thought complicated was the most acurate description.

Female 33 TX

well my its complicated is not because im in a relationship.....at least I don't think im in one anymore....so Im not sure If I can help you out.   Im still legaly married, over a year now...he refuses to divorce me and I don't have the money to hire a high priced attorney.....we were together for 13 years and even though I know no one will ever love me as much as he does, or do for me like he did.....the love is lost.

I have currently entered a long distance relationship/friendship with someone I went to high school with but never knew when I was in high school, I would love to be with him but.....the distance is a big issue, that and the trust issues i have from my past. Im not prepared to move back home, and although he says will move here its a big step and im not sure how serious he is

its over with my husband......with the guy from high school, I would consider it some kind of relationship

I guess the hardest part I have with the whole distance thing, is it makes me feel abnormal......I don't get why I can't find someone in my own hometown that wants to be with me but someone 1400 miles away is the first person I hear when I wake up in the morning and the last voice at night and wants to be with me......

yeah, i try to hold my head up high on that one, but he acts crazy....the last guy i was talking to before I met my guy.....dumped me after finding out all the drama I still had with the ex....I was on the phone with him and then my ex called my sons phone and I thought I put him on hold.....when the ex told me he went and clamed the kids on his tax return, when he didnt even help me last year I fliped out.....the guy told me "i didn't know you had issues like that, im out" LOL I told him if he had taken a min to ask me how my relationship was with my kids father he whould of known and deleted his #

yea.....IDK, didn't think he was right for me anyway. But I was kind a like WOW your breaking up with me over that???

I think I have it together, I know I make bad choises when it come to men, but what I learned in the past year is as much as I want a relationship, I don't need one...Im blessed I can do for my family and take care of them...Im not the richest person in the world but I make a good enough living to keep my self above water, I have goals, im still young, and I have a bright future ahead me..... =D

i told him i would move back to miami, if I could sell my house. THE PROBLEM......homes are not selling here in San Antonio

Dawn M(Female) 50 Palm Bay, FL

Hello jason. Haha. Well its complicated no more! It was-but i left him and moving on! Take care n good luck with your research!

Latina 52 San Antonio TX

honestly i dont know if i am still in a relationshi.   i have not seen him in 5 weeks......whats complicated?  he puts everyone and everything before me

So do you want to be in a relationship with him still and do you think he does as well?

yes i still do and so does he but i thnk i am ready to move on

yes but he keeps avoiding me.  but he tells me he loves me......  wow

i've asked for my house key but he avoids brining it to me

How long have you two been dating?

7 months

yeah i do but how do you know when it its? (Do you have a limit?)

last week he told me if i wanted my key i had to come get it but i couldnt go at the time so now it likes he wont come by and return it.  Its like he is holding on to it to keep a hold on me?

so i guess i need to set my limits huh?  and you r so right, its women like us who do all the right things and we get taken for granted.......

Female 28 Hokinsville KY

Complicated 4 me means I hav a live in but he's not my boyfriend but he wants 2 b but he is my friend

We tried but it didnt work I don't want 2 go bck down that rode again but he's blockin my life a lil ya know

Just friends(started out)

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!(children?)

Don't really knw[what’s next]. don't want 2 put him out and no where 2 go. But I don't want 2 keep feelin like I can't do in my own house either! What's a girl 2 do! I guess I'm just 2 nice

Female 40 Fort Wayne IN

i met a man we started dating and became srious for five years then he started drinking cheated and i tried tellin him to stay away from me and he said how sorry he was and how much he loved me so i still see hom even thoigh he doesnt allow me at his home because of the secrets he has going on. another skank and two baby mommas he doesnt sleep with the baby mommas but the skank im not sure about we have been together for seven years and 2 have been complicated when i try and leavee he cant stay away for more than 7 days

not taken (Do you date other people?)

sometimes lol its(dating) complicated

i believe that if he is meant to be with me he will see that i am a good woman and come to his senses but who knows what the future holds

what next 29

Well I can start with I am legally married and have been for the last 9 years, but we have been seperated off and on since 2008.  We have filed the divorce papers and are awaiting a court date.  He is currently seeing another woman back home where we are from and I can honestly say that I really don't mind, just wish her the best of luck!!!!         If there is anything else you want to know just ask.

Yes we still talk but only of the childern. No I don't hook up, I really have not thought of dating I just want the divorce to be over with and then someday I might think about dating.

And my lone brave male!

Dustin D Ypsilanti MI 26

yep yep ! my relationship is a im sry i won't do this or that naggin n bitchin anymore..then bam happens again and again sucks rt

yes but we never stop living together  n 6 years 

YES WE GOT A SON TOGETHER AND NOPE SHE DONT WANNA I DO 

As you can see, there are some interesting and disparate stories here. Unfortunately the men didn’t step up. Thankfully, the women were honest and open.  I saved the last female’s story because hers was the most compelling.
            She asked me to call her. I hesitated but quickly found out why it was worth it to call. Below is her story. Because of her situation, I can’t tell you much about her identity. You’ll see:

Female 38

“It's too much to type and what paper or magazine do you work for or is this just a project”

 I sent her a link and my phone number. She responded with hers. I was determined to call so I set a reminder to call her within two hours. This is her story:

She was married 11 years. She’s been separated for 1 year. He doesn’t know. He knows they have problems, but he hopes they stay together. She wants a divorce but she’s scared to tell him where she lives because he’ll make life hell. They’ve tried to work it out 2/3 times. As of now, he thinks she’s looking for a place for them to stay. She intentionally let their lease lapse and told him they had to find somewhere else to live.

            The relationship is abusive, physically and verbally, “He’ll hurt me” “Not attracted to him” because of the abuse. He’s jealous of her financial responsibility. He gave up “the life”/hustling and now struggles. He’s unhappy with his life choices. So, they argue, he get’s violent.

She lives in one state and he lives in the state next door. He’s not from either. She’s hiding from him and still dating.

“It helps” but “I’m going to hell” because she’s still married. She cheated two years ago (that’s one year before the ‘separation’. She’s scared of Tagged. She still dates the guy she cheated with, but she can’t give her all because of this situation.

She’s embarrassed because family warned her. And after all this, she’s still “confused”. She thinks about going back but knows she “Can’t change him” Deep down she knows it’s not going to work.

These women should show us how issues get tangled and twisted and complex when we let things build up instead of dealing with them. All of these “relationships” started simply and then the issues came. As I spoke with these women, I would notice one issue that seemed simple enough and, immediately, that one issue would get entwined with another simple issue. And then another, and another… And there you have it! A complicated relationship.

                      I’ll speak for the men and say that everyone is looking for Love. These “complicated” relationships are just one extent people will go to in order to find it. Let these women serve as warning. Relationships are simple. Life is simple. Love is powerful. It can all become complex if we let them.

Trying to Get The P for Free: Ode To Baby Daddies/Ex-Husbands and Shout Out to Real Fatherhood

            Despite what KRS-1 says and ALL my best efforts, the P is not free. In some way or another we all end up paying, before or after, for sex.

I’m sure we’re all familiar with what men will do to get sex, and how they change after but this is a little deeper.

What about when the for some reason or another outside of true Love, the man wants to stay? Sometimes the reason is as trivial as just wanting to back up a bunch of shit talking. In fact, most of the time the sex is not that great at all and it is the shit talking that keeps couples together.

It all begins with all the false identities we present to each other that build into the bigger promises we make in order to keep up relationships that are built on nothing. I know people whose relationships have less real talk than a couple in a Cinemax movie. That tends to be the way when people don’t want to hear the truth. The less talking, the less chance hurting one another’s feelings. In all relationships, plutonic, business, political as well as romantic, the truth is not very popular. Everyone just wants to be Politically Correct.

After centuries of these polite relationships, we’ve developed a society of dysfunctional relationships.  In short we are all a bunch of liars. We are an overly sexual society and most of us want to keep it a secret. Both the men and the women want to avoid being labeled. We all get into sexual relationships that we want to keep sexual. But the only way to keep any relationship purely sexual is to pay. As the saying goes - you don’t pay hookers for sex, you pay them to go away. But it’s a recession and as sexual as America is, no one wants to be seen as overly sexual, so we avoid hookers and situations where we could be seen as hookers.

And that begins the delicate dance of love. We want to get the P for free so we pretend to be in love. The only problem is we can’t dance. We keep making up more and more lies to keep the P free. We tell so many lies for so long that sometimes we wake up married with kids.

Here’s the bad news: Eventually, the truth always comes out. AND, eventually you always pay for the P. The longer you go without paying, the larger the bill raises. So when you finally figure out you’ve been playing yourself, you’ve got to pay.

Most of the time, the bill comes in the form of child support and, by the time that bill comes, play time is over. Another bill is called alimony. All of these “bills” come as a result of trying to avoid the prepayment for sex. I used to look down on a friend of mine who bragged about paying his wife for sex. But looking at their situation now, if they do ever make a split, it will be clean because he prepaid. They don’t have children. And his payments are documented. Worst case scenario, he’ll have to maintain his already small payments. Best case scenario, he’ll win and she’ll have to pay him.

 But let’s talk about the losers.

At some point in failed relationships, amnesia sets in. All the promises are forgotten. All the good times erased. All the lies ignored except for their use in arguments. When it comes to “Baby-Mamas”, “Baby Daddies” (I threw up a little in my mouth typing those words. I hate them so much. That’s another blog though.), Ex-Husbands and Ex-Wives it’s hard to look at them and imagine they ever loved or even tolerated each other enough to have unprotected sex once let alone a whole relationship’s worth of sex.

Dr. Laura always keeps it real. A couple may not reunite after splitting up but when children become involved, continued communication is mandatory. I didn’t realize my parents still talked till I was like twenty. They argued so much in front of me that it seemed impossible they could ever communicate rationally. I was so wrong! No wonder I couldn’t get away with any of that playing one against the other shit.

Number 8 is the biggest. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. All you are doing is just building a debt you WILL be forced to repay in one way or another. What started as lies to get the P for free can eventually lead to making false promises to children and can end up with you forking up some bail money for your stripper daughter.

The bottom line for men as well as women in relationships that doesn’t/won’t work out is to be honest to your words. Whether or not you can actually live up to the all the shit you talk in relationships, you WILL have to pay the debt one day. It may include child support, it may include alimony, it may be tuition, and you may have to raise someone else’s kid. But the most important debt you owe is to the children. And it’s not about money. It’s about time and Love. It’s about keeping your priorities in line.

When you truly make family and Love the priority, the money won’t matter. Neither parent will run from their responsibilities. And whether or not the romantic relationship works out the relationship between both parents must be maintained. Not just for the children but for fulfillment within your personal lives.

Paying what you owe is all about being true to yourself. At some point we all have to face the reality of our decisions. The sooner we do, the easier it will be to handle our responsibilities.

The P is not free. Whether it’s $1.50 for a pack of rubbers or $215,000 for college, you will pay. Even if it’s just time and the energy of dealing with each other honestly, which I say is the best value, you must pay.

It’s never too late ladies and gentlemen. No blame, no games, just start with a little honesty. And…

Pay what you owe.

Chasing The P: Monique

Chasing The P: Monique

            Chasing the P (sex) has led me on some A LOT A TON of adventures. A TON. The adventures of Marcus and I alone could fill a book. A TOME! But the more interesting stories are the ones that led me to unexpected places. The stories within a story are the ones I like most. And there is one in particular.

            I’ll share it now

Monique

It was 2003. I had just gotten back to Los Angeles from New Orleans. That party was NOT over! My boy Seth was promoting. I was there. Seth and I had been clubbing free for years, since 1996. That’s another story. Focus!

The crew that night was Seth, Greg, Kevin and I. Seth was always the DD back then. We all piled in Greg’s dually wheeled Chevy. The place was Sky Sushi aka Hoodrat Heaven. Loose women galore! That night was special. Someone important in Baldhead Productions had died. We were toasting Billy Jack all night.

Kevin had just turned 21 so he was still a lightweight. A month earlier I had gotten him so drunk, he threw up on his brand new Jordans, which were still inside a shoebox at the time. I intended on keeping an eye on him. We go hard but we don’t do throw up.

I ended up chasing Kevin from bar to bar cutting him off. He’d been on Adios Motherfuckers two at a time all night. I was just waiting on him to fall down any moment anyway. It was time to hunt P anyway He found one last bar in VIP. He juked me and made his way towards the bar cutting across the dance floor. Kevin (Little Kevin, there was no big Kevin) is at least a foot smaller than me and very slim. He swam through the crowded dance floor like a snake through water. I on the other hand ended up running smack dab into a girl who immediately started grinding on me. I checked my watch. It was indeed time for the P. I said forget Kevin. “Let me see what’s up with the P” The way she was dancing said I might salvage something out of the night.I cupped a cheek and it was all systems go!

I did the obligatory name check. I was Jason. She was slurring or it was too loud to catch, so I invited her to the couches on the balcony so we could talk. Also, the light was better. I wanted to see what I was working with. I took a step to lead her in that direction and immediately realized I had been holding her up the whole time. She dropped STRAIGHT to the floor. STRAIGHT DOWN! In all my years of drinking and seeing people fall down, no one fell that quickly or directly to the ground.

If only the panties dropped that quick… only the panties! She dropped with the panties still on.

“Oh shit! This bitch done died!”

I picked her up quickly so no one would think I killed her. I carried her to the same couches where I intended to make my move. Instead of sitting down with her and instigating the stimulating conversation I’m known for, I plopped her ‘dead’ body across the corner of the couch. I hoped to be able to prop her up in the corner.

I got her name out of her. Not one the most coherent conversations. IT took quite a while for just a name. I couldn’t get a friends name. Someone had to rescue me from this. I didn’t drive. I could barely get her name. How would I find out where she lived even if I could get her home. So I went to the DJ for help. He gave her a shout out for her friends. No one responded. Panic started to set in. The club was closing and this girls was lost. She couldn’t come with us. I was on a P mission and my mom told me not to try drunk girls. She said they would just throw up on me. And, as hardheaded as I am, I had already learned on my own by this time.

She saved herself from being left on the couch by saying she remembered where her car was parked. Thank God. I would have to carry her down the loooonnnnng stairs and two blacks around the corner. Did I mention the loooonnnnnng escalators the only way in and out AND they were turned off? I passed Seth on the way out.

“Come on! We been looking for you. We’re out of here.”

“Just give me a minute to walk her to her car.”

“Fuck that drunk bitch. We’re leaving you.”

“Leave then. Fuck it. I’ll walk!”

The car was not that far. Luckily her friends showed up just as we did. Her purse was safe. I was a hero. A bunch of thank yous from the friends. I turned red. But I had to go catch Seth and Greg.

I didn’t have to go too far to get to where the Dually was parked. Unfortunately, they were gone. I called Greg. I could barely hear him over the noise. They were at another party or Jerry’s (it turned out to be Jerry’s).

“Tell old girl to drop you here”

“I already left them. Don’t trip”

I walked.

Fatigue had set in. I had a weird, wild, looong night. I was on Fairfax and Santa Monica. It was nearly a straight shot home. Unfortunately, Los Angeles is not a 24 hour city. The busses had just stopped running. Cabs don’t come to cell phones. I had no address to tell them. So I walked.

The initial plan was to walk to an address. But leaving from the more conservative edge of West Hollywood, going through the Yiddish part of town to my side of town at three in the morning, no such luck.

It was nine miles. It took two hours. I started out mad. But by the time I got home I was good. I did a good thing. I did tell my boys to leave me. I was non the owrse. I crashed out.

That was just the intro. This story ain’t over.

Six months later, I had moved out and got a house with Greg. Pure bachelor pad. We each had waterbeds. (So throwback) The kitchen had a bar in it. The living room had a pool table. Focus.

One night Greg and I went out with my Immaculate Heart’s home girls. (another book). We stopped at someone’s apartment to meet up. A girl was there I’d never seen before. I had action! It was a satellite friend. Not wanting to be obvious I went into sniper mode. Maybe I could pick her off while no one was looking. She was slim. I was into that at the time. And then, like Rich Boy, God threw some Ds on that girl! Whew! I had to have her.

She started complaining about her boyfriend. Same story. He ain’t shit. She don’t know why she puts up with his bitch assedness. He wants to live together but ain’t got no job. Blah Blah Blah…

I wanted to say - Stop complaining. You either like him or you don’t. He either ain’t shit or he is. I was tired of girls saying what they want and choosing the opposite. Dump him or shut up.

It was time to drink.

In fact, Shallona did say that. She stopped talking about him after that. We just went out and had fun. Greg and I ended up riding with Shallona and her. They dropped Greg and I home. We dropped cards on them. Greg and I were players.

I ended up getting a call from Monique a day or two later. Greg left something in her car. She’d be happy to bring it over. Greg was gone. I was home alone. Monique came. (wink) I invited her to stay a while and chill. She agreed. We played cards and talked.

She was a teacher. Teachers are hot. She lived with her parents in Pasadena. I was right off the 110. She didn’t have anything to do that Saturday. Her boyfriend played basketball in a grown up park league. She didn’t like to go there. She felt like he was cheating on her with some of the girls there. The girls liked to get in her face. I’m sure he was. The girls were just rubbing it in her face. I can spot a cheater halfway around the world.

I offered her a drink. She said she didn’t drink much. She had a wild experience at a club. My ears perked up! I like drunk stories. And maybe there was a freak underneath. So I asked. She just said she drank too much and didn’t remember how she got home. Apparently her homeboy had died and they were in funeral mode AKA a lot of liquor. I’d been there. Maybe she needed to talk and I could get her to open up the freak. So we talked. I finally asked who died.

“Billy-Jack”

“Billy-Jack?”

“Were yall at Sky Sushi?”

“Yes”

“I walked home from there that same night”

“Really? You were there?”

“Yeah I helped a girl to her car and lost my ride.”

I told he all about that night. I started with little Kevin and as I was telling her about the girl, we both realized she was the girl. She filled in her part.

She had staggered out of VIP where the liquor was REALLY flowing. She didn’t remember what she drank only that there were lots of glasses of it. She had asked her girlfriend who I was. Unfortunately, I didn’t have my cards back then. Her friend had to tell her about me. Homegirl made me sound like a knight in shining armor.

I looked into her eyes. I had her. One problem. I didn’t do girlfriends. She didn’t do casual. I understood. Into the entourage she’d go.

It meant we’d be friends. We liked each other. Things just wouldn’t work. Carl Thomas was in order. Then I had a mission to steal her from her boyfriend without committing to anything. 5 years later, Dream sung the song and I felt nostalgia for Monique.

We really started hanging out. She told me all about Jesse. I listened. She met Jesse two weeks after the Sky Sushi episode. He pushed up on her tough. She fell for it. Her parents didn’t like him. His mother thought she was too good for him. I thought so too.

She told Jesse the Sky Sushi story including the update about us running into each other and hanging out. Jesse didn’t like that. They fought about her coming over. I guess she won. She still came over.

She wanted us to all hang out. I guess she wanted me to see what she saw in him. Or maybe, I was supposed to rub off on him. The ambition. The independence. Then she’d have it all. It didn’t work

She was afraid of Jesse. I began to think there was violence in their relationship. That got my blood boiling. I don’t do hitting women. Later, I realized he just played her like a violin. He was all talk. She was more afraid of the confrontation that would arise if she stood up for herself and left him. All the jaw jacking that would ensue. Sometimes people would rather a physical fight over being talked at.

Karen invited Greg and I to a hotel party with Monique and Jesse. Finally, I’d get to see him. I’d get to see the loser in person. On the way, Karen told us our names were Sean and Chris. Karen and Monique didn’t want any trouble. Whatever! I just wanted to see this loser up close.

The hotel was what I expected. A motel. The kind of place without a lobby, concierge or room service. The party was a gathering. That’s all that would fit anyway. There were only a couple of friends. Monique and Karen were the only girls. Being that Jesse lived with his mom, apparently, he and his friends just needed a place to smoke weed and chill. It was a sad scene

Greg and I came to drink. We drank what little they had. I may have had to hit my flask. Sitting there was excruciating. Monique couldn’t talk to me. We had good conversations. Karen was sticking to Greg and me. Jesse was smoking with his boys. Monique was left all alone. We were ready to leave quickly. We played it off for a while. We didn’t want to leave Monique. I didn’t want to leave her. Karen checked on her before we left. She was good. That was the life she chose.

Liberating a woman completely is a tough task. Any fool can convince a woman who’s into relationships to switch. What I was trying to do was get Monique to stand on her own. It was a test of endurance and patience. And if some P fell my way in the midst, that was good too! It took all of my focus. Any wrong step could damage her for life. I must admit that I damaged a few women with my rash choices. I wanted to be different so I did this different.

I almost had her. Day by day. Inch by inch. Drink by drink. I built her confidences up. Slowly she let her guard down. I was one step away from liberation when I gave up.

In the end, I chickened out. I was moving to Vegas soon so I let her off the hook. I can say why I really let her off the hook.

Monique was a woman who could be perfectly happy in the stability of a bad relationship. Who was I to change that? Maybe all the knight in shining armor talk went to my head. I chase P. End of story.

Jesse won. They’re married with a child now. She definitely ain’t going nowhere. He knows that. They have a regular L.A. working class life. They’re content.

My dad said he learned something from every woman he ever dated. I’d like that to be true for me too. I can’t say I dated Monique but we spent enough time together for me to learn something. (And she is a teacher)

I guess she showed me what kind of man I was. What I was capable of and what I would actually do. I loved her. She just wasn’t for me.

If I hadn’t let Monique off the hook, I’d have won. But what would I have won? I’d have let Monique be my girlfriend for as long as it took for the lie to catch us. I would have messed up, possibly damaging her irreparably.

At least this way, she can just be herself. God willing, she got enough confidence and independence from me make it work. Who knows? Time will tell…

Word Of The Day - Virgin

Word Of The Day
Virgin

Every one knows the standard definition of virgin. But the is also an expansion on that definition. Because of this definition it is vital to share. The American Heritage defines virgins as: 1. A person who has not experienced sexual intercourse. (There are variations but we will focus on this one.)

Sexual intercourse or sex is the ultimate intimate experience. In the past few decades, sex has become increasingly casual. From exploration to playing hide and go get it to running trains to little kids having dick sucking parties (Its real, I saw it on Oprah), these children grow up into adults who don’t value sex as the experience that it is. In increasing number, we are encountering adults who have missed out on the essence of sex. These people have sexual experience but they haven’t experienced sex. They are virgins.
Because they haven’t experienced sex, virgins have no sexual identity. Virgins may have had sex but they aren’t sexual people. They aren’t sexpots, studs, sluts, whores, slores, sexy, hoes, prudes, stiff, cold fish or anything sexual. (Well maybe there are a few hoes in there…) Sadly, these women (and men) have largely never experienced orgasms or even the essential intimacy that is included in the sexual experience. SMH
Shout out to the brilliant explorer who discovered this expanded definition. I know people are increasingly private, so I won’t name names unless they are volunteered. (Or unless they deserve it!) I could write volumes on virgins but this was only a prelude to another train of thought. And with that:


The Virgin Curse

The virgin has been a prize since the days when we were all virgins. Oddly, the virgin was not the prize most of us sought. Even in college, when virgins were all stacked up and ready for the slaughter, my sexual A.D.D. didn’t allow me to focus on the prize of all prizes. I (I stole it and I don’t know that “the originator” wants to be associated with this) even took to expanding the term. [see above] I passed by quite a few prizes in my life simply because I didn’t have the time. It occurred to me now that I had time to reflect. No regrets but I do wonder about a new phenomenon known as The Virgin Curse.
In my reflections, I notice that those who did have time (to chase virgins) turned out to be not so nice. The results…MAJOR damage.
The damage done to any woman scorned is major. The damage done to a virgin…MAJOR.
I have been remembering some of the “virgins” I’ve encountered in my life. Up to twenty years later, ”the ghosts of conquests past” have some stories to tell. But that’s not what this is about. This is about fulfillment.
The others took a lot. They took your innocence. They took your time. They took your hearts. And they left you. They left you all alone. They left you with children. They left you burned, scorned, used and abused. You are all definitely different now.
I wondered about a “virgin curse”. I asked myself if I had to pay for the sins of others. For passing you by and passing you on to charlatans. At one time I placed you so high up on a pedestal, I thought you were out of my reach. Others came and knocked you down. Knocked you down and knocked you up. Knocked you around. But you got back up.
So I will fulfill. Because you’re still here. I still can’t have you, my virgins. Maybe I was never meant to. I never had to fix you. Because you’re still you. I was just sent to remind you. After all these years. After all the tears. You’re still here. Pedestal and all! I you need a boost to get back up there…just call.

The Break-Up

Everyone was so excited to see me settling down. Some weren't. But, to speak without really speaking on what happened these last three months without giving too many details, here is my newest poem entitled -



THE BREAK-UP
So many rhymes
So many lines
And I gave them all away
To you
Good riddance
Too many times
Too much of my life
You took it all away
For you
To leave hidden
A little more wine
And you're a little more fine
So I have to drink
For me
To want to hit it
A little too much wine
And you're so much less fine
So please don't drink
So you
Can still get it
What if I missed my life
What if I missed my wife
Just by being polite
Sometime doing what's nice
Isn't doing what's right
So tonight
Let's fight
With all our might
Against polite
Against fright
Miller light
And vodka on ice
Forget nice
This is life
Wrong is never right


So I left


Let me add - This is fiction. I was inspired by these last three months. I am changed for the better and I have no regrets. Everything I write (even a poem directly to a person) is an absolute truth. Truth is in your perspective and what YOU get out of my writing. I know my friends and readers get many different things. So, while I cannot hold back my writing from anyone, I do have to be clear that this poem is very dramatic. My relationship and the end of it was dramatic and that is all. I love all my friends (including exes who still wish to speak to me) for they make me who I am.

Thank you for reading. Never bitter. Never hateful. Just exhaling.


Brother you are a mess. You did not have to post the break up on the blog. That may hurt old girls feelings. The poem was tight though. It broke it all down for eall to understand
Love

Sis

That was tight as hell. Way to free yourself my brotha.

Of Course I had to respond. Please remember a poem is just a poem at times. A writer has to come up with words that rhyme and lines that come together to make a good poem. This can cause a situation to not be described completely. We had our good times and agreed we would not change knowing each other for anything. Also it was a mutual decision to break up Jas did not leave. After reading the poem last night I had to call and I’m glad we had the chance to talk and have decided to be friends. Jason keep writing your great at it. Oh and I do love Merlot and you do love your vodka mixed with water you were right about that we just had a little too much at times. I have much love for you and you have taught me more than any man has. Even though I know it was time to end the relationship you still are a great friend.

Talk to you later
Nesa

Pre-Nups?

It is indicative of our feelings on relationships. The pre-nuptial has become mandatory for up and coming couples. Middle class or above, you have to have one. It’s damned near a status symbol for movers and shakers.

But do we really need them? I say, if you don't know what a pre-nup entails and that there are different types, stop reading you don't need one, don't get married, go somewhere and learn to read or just shut the fuck up. (I had a long day I have to curse at someone)
So, back to pre-nups, the only type a person should need should be tied into a trust fund and provide for any children born before or after marriage. That's like to help one partner manage child support costs and to PROPERLY provide for the children should the marriage dissolve.
Additionally,  you need one is if you have something you need to keep in your original family, a namesake, or heirloom or something like that. Other than that, you don't need one.
The one man who called in a radio show and made an argument for not needing one said marriage is a gamble and if you lose, you lose. That radio show was what prompted this blog. He was right. I don't know about everyone else, that's why I wrote the bulletin, but I work for myself only a little. Everything I build is because ultimately I want a family to provide for. My plan includes amassing a certain amount of wealth before I get married and start my family. If, somewhere after I start my family, it doesn't work out, I lost. My newly ex-wife should have half. After all I worked for it so that she would have it. Of course I didn't plan on it ending that way but that’s the way the cookie crumbles. I am ambitious and no one can have that. If I got it before, I can get it again.
If you are reading this and you don't agree that we accumulate wealth to be secure for the day when we do start a family, then I want to hear from you. If you just simply don't agree then please have something smart to reply with. This is not about trends. I know over half of marriages end in divorce. That's why I am careful about commitment. That's why I'd rather not get married if the situation isn't exactly what I want. But I digress. That's what's up with me.

[2012 Addendum] This was written before I found about Robert Allen and Creating Wealth. Everyone who cares about what will happen to their family after they pass needs one. For the retards I told to shut up earlier - Thanks for hanging in there and learning how to read. A Pre-Nup is simply a contract that details what happens in case of divorce AND/OR death. If there is already a trust in place, it can be an amendment to the trust. It can simply say that you agree to split assets down the middle. It can say, for instance, you want your son to handle all business affairs and provide your new widow with a comfortable stipend that you two agreed upon beforehand.

The worst thing that can happen to a family is confusion after a loved one passes away. In the case of businesses, there are livelihoods beyond your immediate family at stake. It is simply mandatory. On the other side of the coin, you may need something in place to save your loved ones from your debts. Some things you want to pass on. Some things you don't

I'm just saying.