Dumbing Down to Sell My Intelligence

I am the magical negro.

No I’m not. In fact, I may fight the next person who tries me up like that.

I am, however, very likely the smartest person you have ever met. I’m not bragging. I’m just repeating what I often hear and have heard since I left Brentwood. (Does that mean I’ve been associating myself with dumber and dumber people?)  I hope that’s not so because I have to make some changes.

Being a helpful person AND so intelligent, the greedy and selfish are always lurking as well as the lazy and dreamless. I’m just tired. Now that I am absolutely certain I can’t help everyone nor can I work with everyone,  I must avoid the users at all costs.

It’s time. This shit is getting out of hand. I am officially no longer concerned with anyone’s insecurities about dealing with me. ANYONE. I dimmed my lights for far too long to make people comfortable and they (All of them) STILL have to get their shit together. I’ve spilled out million dollar ideas and blessed people with the tools to create wealth. I’ve even slaved myself to build other people’s dreams. The results? Nothing. No success for anyone involved. The greedy just ask for more. The selfish are still asking why their shit doesn’t work. The lazy are still waiting on someone to carry them. And I’m tired and beat.

People think my help is magic. It’s not. They imagine I’m a genie they just rub the right way and blessings just fall out my ass.

What really happens is more like this:

Yeah, we’re in a C1. But, we’re at burger king:

When I could building you yachts, you wanna floss at Burger King. And I only chose that picture because that guy is supposed to be the latest “magical negro”. But, like I stated in the last Burger King Blog, it’s Burger King. If those are all the dreams you have, you need to just step aside. My dreams will use your dreams as a tax write off. If you have bigger dreams and you refuse to take any steps towards them, you need to Get The Fuck Out of the Way. I can eat your dreams and shit out dreams bigger than anything you can imagine.

All that is to say - I am disappointed in quite a few people. And because I have been blessed with many brilliant alternatives, I mean, I have so many new acquaintances, mentors and inspirations; I must shoot some people to the curb.

So! New Rules:

                I will not work with you without a vision. You and your ‘business’ must have a missions statement for me to even talk to you about life.

                I am not a secretary. I am a writer. I write. You want a letter, resume, some shit typed up/edited; hire a typist. I might actually do those things but not for free and you can’t afford me.

                I am willing and prepared to do some free work to establish myself. That does not mean I want to be involved in your slavery ring.

                If you don’t have your shit together, be prepared to pay. My advice is find someone else. I charge extra for doing extra and you can’t afford me.

                I am in love with networking, working online and home businesses. That does not mean I want to sign up to sell off brand coffee. The only businesses I am interested in that aren’t mine are Amway, Herbalife, and Traverus. I will not commit my time to anything else. Quit trying to sell me on ‘no selling’. GTFOH

                If you want to know what I know, go back to elementary school Billy Madison. I suggest Brentwood Science Magnet. It worked well for me. If you are my age and failed to learn what I have learned, what makes your dumb ass think I can tell you what I know in five minutes? I probably couldn’t teach you if I had the rest of your life.

You cannot have a dime from me. Today, I don’t even have a dime to give but it’s coming. I’ve seen what you do with money. Financially, most of you need to be wearing helmets on the short bus and get lunch tickets. No allowance. No lunch money. That’s all

                IF (IF IF IF) I work with you, Shut The Fuck Up! Whatever you have been doing for the last whatever days/months/years is stupid. If it was smart, I would be working FOR you. Or, you wouldn’t need me at all. There is no nicer way to say this. Believe me, I have tried millions (TRILLIONS) of variations. [I’m exaggerating. It was more like thousands]Trying to use my intelligence to fix your dumb ideas is like putting a mango salsa on rotten steak.  That shit don’t match and it’s too late anyway. Just take this recipe and eat up.

Just be honest. I know you’re a moron. But I’m still talking to you. You didn’t succeed in fooling me into believing you are on my level. You’re just wasting your own time. I’m, at least, getting a little laugh at you pretending to know things.  Just tell me what you want and I will tell you how I can help you get there. Sound simple? It is. That’s why I do the thinking

I may seem vain or mean. But so what? How inconsiderate is it to ask me to dumb down my intelligence for your cockamamie schemes? How retarded is it to spend time chasing thousand dollar dreams that have failed already when I have million dollar plans in my trash can? Just take one and run with it.

I must apologize. I just came up with this quote that I’m going to use again later this week for an entirely different subject. Michael Jordan doesn’t play pickup games. I may have misled a few people by even considering doing something like that. For that, I apologize. But know I won’t be getting involved in amateur hour.

That’s it. I still Love. I’m still generous. I just had to put some things out in the open so that people understand (If they care to know) why I can’t work with them and so future people know right off the bat how to approach me.

For the most part, people don’t have to worry. I won’t be around long enough to concern anyone. Like I said before, I am being blessed to get back into circles of intelligence. That means less time slumming it. It was fun. I had some good times, a lot of laughs and a ton of stories to tell. I’ll leave behind some instructions. If you ever bother to learn how to read, maybe I’ll see you again on the other side of success.

It’s bed time. Goodnight all. Goodbye some…

The Lights, The Fame, The Infant, The Fans and The Rapist

The Lights, The Fame, The Infant, The Fans and The Rapist

I distinctly remember Magic vs Bird in the Finals, the famous Converse commercial and the Jordan vs Bird video game I used to play all the time. I watched Joe Montana engineer “The Drive”. I even remember my dad rooting for his hometown Pistons when Isaiah Thomas did it back to back. The eighties were magical (in every sense of the word). Those were teams then. TEAMS! Kareem’s retirement from the Lakers…I didn’t realize at the time that I would never see anything like it again. The nineties brought a change. The end of an era. There will never be anything like it again. (Understatement)

Michael Jordan was more than the Greatest Of All Time. He was the last of a virtually extinct breed. The athlete-showman. A professional on and off the court. After Jordan, it was all about the money. Deion Sanders became the highest paid defensive player in the NFL and led the way for the lowest paid athletes (football players) to become the highest paid. The term Franchise player was coined as team after team threw away Hundreds of millions on individuals. In the meantime, teams and franchises continued to win. Just ask the Rangers who know how to write a big check but have never seen a World Series. And then the players went crazy…
…Pete Rose gambled, Female figure skaters beat each other up, football players went from beating up their babies mamas to trying to kill them and Mike Tyson…Good ol’ Mike Tyson.

And teams still won. Not the Lakers (Van Exel) (just kidding. It wasn’t his fault, Vlade) but Teams. And then 9/11 happened. Sorry New Englanders but the Patriots weren’t supposed to win that first one. After that one was slipped by us, [Seriously, that was not a pass or anything close to forward motion. And it’s like they (Sports Center is in on it) never mentioned it again. NEVER] then came the onslaught. The Lakers won again but what should have been a decade long reign wasn’t. And individuals started getting slipped in here and there. Teams would win championships then fade away like Tampa Bay.

It’s become apparent that both athletes and owners have less and less loyalty. Less loyalty to fans, cities, history and each other. It’s all about the business of sports now. And the fans and the cities suffer. History be damned. Michael Jordan was the highest paid athlete in sports bringing in $80 million a year and only $2 million was from the Bulls. Magic Johnson signed what as a true franchise contract, $25 million for 25 years. Today, team loyalty is a joke. Months after Lebron James thanked his team for his MVP and a year after he lured Shaquille O’neal to Cleveland, The Infant abandoned his hometown and the team he built for The Lights.

Today, fatherless millionaires don’t have to behave for sponsors. They have guaranteed money. Fuck the fans. But not out loud. Michael Jordan probably never have been on Cribs. These new millionaires don’t seek our admiration. They seek our envy. And we give it to them. Wholeheartedly!

Today, players like Shaq are relegated to being Journeymen. Today, you have to by a new jersey every year because your favorite player keeps changing teams. Today, excuses are OK and prima donnas are the norm. It’s OK for players to throw games () because their feelings are hurt. Today, an ingrown toenail will sideline players in sports where men became famous for playing with broken bones.

Some may argue that sports is more of a business now. And they are absolutely right. What we fans fail to realize though is that every business sells a product. It is up to the public whether or not to buy that product. I saying now that all sports are selling an inferior product today. It’s wrapped up in a prettier package these days but compared to what we got in the past, today’s product is crap. The problem is they hooked us a long time ago…

What are we supposed to do? Turn off ESPN? Seriously? I guess we could ride it out in hopes that sports will turn things around. But how likely is it that things will improve before they get worse. Perhaps The Gay Athlete will be the one to turn things around. (Big Baby. It’s OK. We will love you anyway.) Perhaps The Rapist will come out and apologize for raping us all those years ago. Maybe we will finally get some closure so sports can mature past this Infant stage it’s in now. Or maybe we just need to be more like soccer fans and start tearing shit up so sports knows that we are severely dissatisfied with the product they are trying to sell us.